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When New Mom Me Met Current Mom Me
Feb. 14, 2023
I’ve undergone quite the transformation in my nearly nine years of parenting. If New Mom Me bumped into Current Mom Me, it might unfold like this:
(knock on the door)
New Mom Me: Um, hi. Sorry to intrude, but did you know your kid is outside playing alone? In the front yard?
Current Mom Me: Oh, he is? No big deal. We do that all the time.
New Mom Me: Really? Aren’t you worried he might run into the street or get taken or something?
Current Mom Me: Nah, he’s out there all the time. Honestly, I’m more concerned about a neighbor reporting me. Wait. Are you a new neighbor?
New Mom Me: No, I just drove by and thought I should check. I mean, what if a huge branch falls and whacks him on the head? Or a bee stings him? Or he gets a splinter? I noticed he’s not wearing shoes.
Current Mom Me: Yep, I remind him constantly to put them on. But, you know how 3-year-olds are…
New Mom Me: (momentarily speechless)
Current Mom Me: Oh, right. Don’t worry. He’ll be fine.
New Mom Me: I could always sit with him if you’d like, until you’re done with whatever you’re doing.
Current Mom Me: Oh, that’s not necessary. I’m never not busy. Unless you want to move in… haha.
New Mom Me: (speechless)
Current Mom Me: Want to come in? You look a bit worn out; maybe take a nap on the couch?
New Mom Me: Yeah, sleep is a rare commodity. She’s teething, so I have to check on her every couple of hours.
Current Mom Me: Well, come on in then! I was going to let the 3-year-old watch some TV while I work. Yours is welcome to join.
New Mom Me: Oh, that’s fine. She’s already had her 30 minutes of Sesame Street today, and that’s my limit.
Current Mom Me: (laughs out loud) You’re joking, right?
New Mom Me: Nope! Don’t want to mess her up by letting her watch too much TV.
Current Mom Me: Right. (casually turns off the TV that’s been blaring for hours) Anyway, I’m just heating up some nuggets, but let’s be real, the 3-year-old will probably just have chocolate cake for dinner because the big kids will eat so fast he won’t even have a chance. I’ll cave, and then he’ll just eat cake. But hey, at least he’s eating something, right?
New Mom Me: (speechless)
Current Mom Me: (to 6-year-old) Get down from the roof of the car!
New Mom Me: How many kids do you have?
Current Mom Me: Three. But some days it feels like thirty! It’s a complete zoo around here.
New Mom Me: Where’s the other one?
Current Mom Me: Oh, not sure. I should probably check. I think she’s at a neighbor’s house.
New Mom Me: (momentarily speechless)
Current Mom Me: Okay, I have like five billion things to do: make a call, fold laundry, change a diaper, figure out what the 3-year-old wants to eat today, write a blog post… so, are we done here?
New Mom Me: (momentarily speechless) Uh, yeah. Are you sure he’s alright out here on his own?
Current Mom Me: Oh, I’ll bring him in if that makes you feel better. I mean, his brother is out there too, so how bad can it get? (crying starts)
New Mom Me: Are you going to see what’s up with the crying?
Current Mom Me: (listens for a few seconds) That’s not his hurt cry. I mean, he’s totally faking it, can’t you tell?
New Mom Me: Aren’t you worried? I don’t want to be paranoid, but I totally am. You know? First-time mom here. (nervous laugh)
Current Mom Me: Yeah, I get it. (gives New Mom Me a longer hug than usual) It gets better, I promise. (whispers in New Mom Me’s ear) Go home and take a nap while you can, okay?