Feb. 14, 2023
I’ve undergone quite the transformation in my nearly nine years of parenting. If New Mom Me bumped into Current Mom Me, it might unfold like this:
(knock on the door)
New Mom Me: Um, hi. Sorry to intrude, but did you know your kid is outside playing alone? In the front yard?
Current Mom Me: Oh, he is? No big deal. We do that all the time.
New Mom Me: Really? Aren’t you worried he might run into the street or get taken or something?
Current Mom Me: Nah, he’s out there all the time. Honestly, I’m more concerned about a neighbor reporting me. Wait. Are you a new neighbor?
New Mom Me: No, I just drove by and thought I should check. I mean, what if a huge branch falls and whacks him on the head? Or a bee stings him? Or he gets a splinter? I noticed he’s not wearing shoes.
Current Mom Me: Yep, I remind him constantly to put them on. But, you know how 3-year-olds are…
New Mom Me: (momentarily speechless)
Current Mom Me: Oh, right. Don’t worry. He’ll be fine.
New Mom Me: I could always sit with him if you’d like, until you’re done with whatever you’re doing.
Current Mom Me: Oh, that’s not necessary. I’m never not busy. Unless you want to move in… haha.
New Mom Me: (speechless)
Current Mom Me: Want to come in? You look a bit worn out; maybe take a nap on the couch?
New Mom Me: Yeah, sleep is a rare commodity. She’s teething, so I have to check on her every couple of hours.
Current Mom Me: Well, come on in then! I was going to let the 3-year-old watch some TV while I work. Yours is welcome to join.
New Mom Me: Oh, that’s fine. She’s already had her 30 minutes of Sesame Street today, and that’s my limit.
Current Mom Me: (laughs out loud) You’re joking, right?
New Mom Me: Nope! Don’t want to mess her up by letting her watch too much TV.
Current Mom Me: Right. (casually turns off the TV that’s been blaring for hours) Anyway, I’m just heating up some nuggets, but let’s be real, the 3-year-old will probably just have chocolate cake for dinner because the big kids will eat so fast he won’t even have a chance. I’ll cave, and then he’ll just eat cake. But hey, at least he’s eating something, right?
New Mom Me: (speechless)
Current Mom Me: (to 6-year-old) Get down from the roof of the car!
New Mom Me: How many kids do you have?
Current Mom Me: Three. But some days it feels like thirty! It’s a complete zoo around here.
New Mom Me: Where’s the other one?
Current Mom Me: Oh, not sure. I should probably check. I think she’s at a neighbor’s house.
New Mom Me: (momentarily speechless)
Current Mom Me: Okay, I have like five billion things to do: make a call, fold laundry, change a diaper, figure out what the 3-year-old wants to eat today, write a blog post… so, are we done here?
New Mom Me: (momentarily speechless) Uh, yeah. Are you sure he’s alright out here on his own?
Current Mom Me: Oh, I’ll bring him in if that makes you feel better. I mean, his brother is out there too, so how bad can it get? (crying starts)
New Mom Me: Are you going to see what’s up with the crying?
Current Mom Me: (listens for a few seconds) That’s not his hurt cry. I mean, he’s totally faking it, can’t you tell?
New Mom Me: Aren’t you worried? I don’t want to be paranoid, but I totally am. You know? First-time mom here. (nervous laugh)
Current Mom Me: Yeah, I get it. (gives New Mom Me a longer hug than usual) It gets better, I promise. (whispers in New Mom Me’s ear) Go home and take a nap while you can, okay?