- Wait, they’re really just letting me leave with this tiny human? No tests or anything?
- How can something so small produce so much poop in a single day?
- How can such a little creature eat like it’s training for an eating contest?
- Seriously, can someone invent an extra pair of hands for me? Evolution, what are you doing?
- What day is it again?
- What month are we even in?
- Oh no, I think I’ve broken him!
- Is that poop color normal?
- I don’t think I’m nailing this whole mom thing.
- Okay, I’m absolutely sure I’m messing this up.
- Is he supposed to sound like that?
- No way she’s hungry again already!
- WHY DID I GOOGLE THAT???
- Please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t spit up on my last clean outfit!
- Will I ever feel like my old self again?
- If one more person suggests I “sleep when the baby sleeps,” I might lose it.
- She looks a bit uncomfortable… Should I wake her?
- How on earth does this outfit fasten?
- I’m not clueless, so why can’t I figure out this dang outfit?
- Did becoming a mom make me permanently forgetful?
- Should I answer the door, or tuck my boob away first?
- I could really use a drink right now.
- PLEASE STOP CRYING.
- FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING, PLEASE STOP CRYING.
- This is nothing like what I imagined it would be.
This article reflects the hilarious chaos of new motherhood, and if you’re looking for more insights, check out this informative post on intracervicalinsemination.com. For those interested in home insemination, Make a Mom can be a great resource, along with UCSF’s Center for further information about pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, new motherhood is full of unexpected thoughts, from concerns about baby care to feelings of confusion and frustration. But it’s also a journey of love and discovery, even if it’s not what you expected!