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7 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Struggling to Conceive
Struggling to conceive can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, filled with ups and downs, hopes and heartbreaks. I remember the 18 long months my partner, Jake, and I spent trying to have our first child. Sure, in hindsight, it’s not an eternity, but at the time, it felt like we were living in a never-ending cycle of tests and disappointment. Getting poked and prodded by specialists was a real joy (especially that delightful radiographic dye test—just kidding), but ultimately, a few lifestyle tweaks on Jake’s part did the trick, and we finally got our happy ending.
Yet, while I can look back and laugh now, the journey was filled with unsolicited advice from everyone from distant relatives to my barista at the local coffee shop. If you find yourself supporting someone through this challenging time, here’s a handy guide on what to avoid saying to keep the conversation constructive and compassionate.
- Just Relax.
Seriously, this one is a classic, but it doesn’t help. In fact, when I finally did get pregnant, I was stressed out of my mind after hearing from doctors that IVF might be our only option. Spoiler: Relaxation isn’t a magical cure. - Pregnancy Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be.
Sure, pregnancy has its challenges—I’ve been there. But for someone who yearns to be a mom, the struggles of pregnancy are a small price to pay. If they want it, they’ll take on all the nausea, cravings, and sleepless nights without a second thought. - Maybe You’re Not Meant to Have a Baby Right Now.
This “everything happens for a reason” philosophy can be incredibly hurtful. Sometimes, biology just doesn’t play nice, and it doesn’t mean someone isn’t destined to be a parent. Let’s avoid this line of thinking. - Have You Tried This Diet/Essential Oil?
While some dietary changes might help, they should come from a professional, not from random advice. While Jake did switch to boxers and added some vitamins after consulting a doctor, it wasn’t because of a casual tip from a friend. - Maybe You Should Just Stop Trying.
This one goes hand in hand with the classic “just relax.” There’s no evidence to support that “giving up” helps anyone get pregnant. So, let’s keep that advice to ourselves. - I Get Pregnant Whenever My Partner Sneezes.
Trust me, this isn’t a joke you want to make. It stings. Your fertility status doesn’t need to be a punchline at someone else’s expense. - You Can Always Adopt.
Adoption is a beautiful path for many, but it’s a deeply personal decision that requires time and careful consideration. It’s not something you can casually suggest to someone who’s grappling with infertility.
The bottom line is that those facing fertility struggles often just want a listening ear. They crave empathy over advice. So, be there for them—listen, hug them, and validate their feelings. You don’t need to have all the answers; in fact, most fertility issues are best handled by professionals, such as those at Cleveland Clinic.
And if you’re currently navigating this tough journey, remember that your feelings are valid. It’s a hard road, but you are resilient, and whatever happens, you’ll be okay. To learn more about home insemination options, check out Intracervical Insemination or Make a Mom for expert advice.
Summary
Navigating the emotional landscape of trying to conceive is challenging enough without the added burden of insensitive comments. Avoid clichés like “just relax” and “you can always adopt” and instead offer genuine support and empathy. Being a good listener can mean the world to someone going through this tough journey.