I’m nearing 32 and haven’t set foot in a spa. Manicures and pedicures? Never tried them. I’ve never experienced the bliss of a massage, and my eyebrows could be mistaken for two confused caterpillars.
Part of me thinks I simply don’t need these luxuries, and another part agrees. But honestly, the thought of indulging in any of these treatments makes me anxious. Will it hurt? Is it meant to hurt? How do I keep up with maintenance? Will the therapist judge me for my body? What color polish is appropriate for toes?
Yet, I realized this isn’t just about necessity; it’s about treating myself. As a mother, I desperately need to prioritize self-care. Sure, indulging in nachos for dinner every night felt like a treat, but the waistband of my jeans tells a different story.
So, I took the plunge and bought a face mask.
The label promised “anti-stress,” and honestly, I would have applied anything—rat droppings included—if it meant alleviating my stress.
Here are 55 thoughts I had throughout this experience:
- How much of this should I apply?
- Hmm, that wasn’t enough. Time to wash my hands for more.
- Can I put this on my eyebrows?
- Well, I guess I have now!
- Oh no, it’s in my hair too!
- Why am I supposed to apply this on my neck? What’s wrong with my neck?
- Did I miss a spot? Will that affect my pores?
- Alright, I’m done—now to wash my hands again.
- I look like a seasick Smurf.
- Is it working?
- Am I supposed to feel something?
- Wait, I need to relax. This is my time.
- How long has it been?
- Are the kids awake?
- What if they wake up, and I can’t wash this off in time? Will I look like this forever?
- Kids are asleep—breathe.
- I’m getting bored.
- Is anything happening?
- Should I be doing something else? Maybe shave my legs?
- No! Just sit back and unwind. Reflect.
- On second thought, let me check my phone.
- Nothing happening on social media.
- Maybe I should delete these apps and live in the moment.
- Oh, my skin is tingling. Is that good?
- Now my face feels cold. Is the window open?
- My face is chilly. Either the mask is working, or I’m losing it.
- What’s this mask doing? What’s seeping into my pores? What have I done?
- Surprisingly, this chill feels nice.
- I wonder if my husband would find me attractive like this.
- Either he was joking about it or has a thing for Smurfs. I’ll go with the first option.
- Is it dry yet?
- Lalalala…
- Oh! I bought a magazine. Time to flip through that.
- Who are these people? Why am I so out of the loop?
- That’s it! I’m getting a subscription for my birthday. I need to stay informed for blog ideas.
- Can I write off that subscription on my taxes?
- Can I write off this mask too?
- Oh, my skin is tightening. Is it drying?
- Is this what an eye lift feels like?
- Yep, it’s tighter. I hope there aren’t tiny aliens tightening my skin!
- If they are, they better compensate me for research.
- It’s dry everywhere except my neck. Should I wait for that too?
- Who cares about my neck? Let’s get this off!
- Why are the only clean washcloths white?
- If this stains, I’ll just let it be.
- Rinse, rinse, rinse. Did I get it all?
- Oops, missed a spot.
- Pat my face dry…
- I can’t tell if anything’s changed. How would I know?
- Oh wow… my skin is so soft.
- Stop touching your face. Isn’t oil bad?
- Am I still stressed?
- No! I relaxed—this was for me. Yay!
- Wait, I’m still stressed. But at least my skin feels amazing.
- STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE.
In summary, this face mask experience turned out to be more about self-care than I anticipated. It allowed me to carve out time for myself, even amidst the chaos of motherhood. For more insights on home insemination and parenting, check out this article. If you’re interested in artificial insemination, this resource is truly enlightening.