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- Embracing My Enoughness
by Jessica Thompson
Updated: June 14, 2016
Originally Published: June 14, 2016
Motherhood has profoundly shaped me in two significant ways: it has dismantled my previous self and revealed my true essence. This isn’t a lamentation; rather, it’s a candid reflection on my experiences.
As I celebrate over eight years of motherhood, I also recognize that I’ve been on a parallel path of self-discovery during this time. What I’ve uncovered has surprised me in ways I never anticipated.
From the moment I embraced my role as a mother, everything felt more substantial. My emotions—joy, sorrow, guilt, love—seemed to weigh down heavily on me. Each step forward felt like a struggle, as if I were caught in a tug-of-war between conflicting desires. This journey has proven to be more challenging than I ever imagined.
Bringing two wonderful children into this world has made me acutely aware of my own unpreparedness. I once believed I could excel in this role, but doubt now looms over me. I often feel that I’m not providing the childhood they truly deserve. They should have structure, guidance, and the opportunity to make healthy choices, even if they sometimes turn them down. I find myself falling short in these areas, and it pains me to admit that.
At this stage in my life, I’m also pursuing my passions and career. Yet, guilt often gnaws at me. My youngest is four, and I’ve convinced myself I should be at home, solely dedicated to him. But I’ve come to understand that staying home isn’t fulfilling for me; I thrive on movement, creativity, and nurturing aspirations beyond motherhood.
Admitting this makes me feel like I’m failing both as a person and a parent. Shouldn’t my children be sufficient to bring me joy? They are extraordinary—more than I could have ever imagined. Their existence inspires me, and it’s perplexing that I still yearn for more from life.
Yet, through this eight-and-a-half-year journey of introspection, I’ve uncovered a tough truth about myself—the realization that I often don’t feel “enough.” I’ve internalized the belief that I’m not providing sufficiently for my children, which has left me feeling unworthy of their love. I’ve been caught in a cycle of self-criticism, feeling guilty for aspiring to more when I should be celebrating the blessings in my life.
I’ve often felt that my heart belongs entirely to my children, yet I can’t keep punishing myself for wanting to pursue my dreams. The truth is, I can’t diminish the woman who has given life. I must remind myself: You are enough! You deserve all the happiness and fulfillment life has to offer.
It’s perfectly acceptable that I don’t prepare every meal from scratch (truth be told, I hardly do). It’s okay that I sometimes lack consistency in discipline because life can be overwhelming. Our home may not be perfectly structured, but it is filled with an abundance of love—more than enough to share and receive.
As I embark on this new chapter in motherhood, I’m eager to make another significant discovery—one that will help me piece myself back together in a way that I’ve always deserved. I am enough.
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