6 Insights Divorced Moms Wish You Understood

When I went through my divorce at 34, I felt utterly alone. Apart from one coworker who was a decade older and had her own divorce story, I didn’t have anyone to lean on. While a handful of my friends supported me, many others vanished or expressed their disapproval. Fast forward six years, and I’ve noticed more of my peers facing similar situations. If you know a divorced mom—or will soon—here’s what I wish my friends had grasped back then.

1. Divorce Is Not an Easy Choice

Please refrain from saying things like, “I could never get divorced” or questioning my certainty. I’ve read all the studies about divorce’s effects on kids—believe me, they haunt me. Most people enter marriage hoping for a happy ending, but life doesn’t always go as planned. Just because I don’t share every painful detail doesn’t mean this decision was made lightly. Be cautious in your judgments; you never know when you might find yourself in a similar situation.

2. Divorced Does Not Mean Desperate

Forget the movie stereotypes; divorced women aren’t just on the prowl for any available man. The reality is that most of us are focused on managing day-to-day life rather than dating. We have absolutely no interest in our friends’ husbands, and please don’t try to set us up with just anyone—unless it’s that cute, smart coworker who actually fits our vibe!

3. Divorced Parents Can Co-Parent Successfully

My ex isn’t a villain, nor is he a saint. Like many, he simply married the wrong person. While he made mistakes, I’ve moved past them, and we’ve even managed to become friends. We celebrate holidays and our kids’ birthdays together, which was a bit strange at first but turned out to be a blast. Don’t be surprised by our ability to set aside differences for our children; it doesn’t mean we’re getting back together!

4. The Wicked Stepmother Stereotype Is Outdated

After our split, my ex quickly found someone new. I had my own rules about introducing partners to the kids, and while I was worried at first, it turned out great. His girlfriend has become a loving part of their lives, enriching their experiences and bringing a new set of traditions. She’s there for every performance and event, and she makes my ex happier, which benefits everyone involved.

5. Divorce Isn’t Contagious

While some studies suggest that one divorce in a close-knit group can lead to others, just having coffee with me won’t ruin your marriage. During my hardest times, many friends distanced themselves, making me feel like I had a contagious illness. To those who stuck around, I appreciate you! So, if you know someone going through a divorce, don’t shy away—she probably needs a night out with friends.

6. The Kids Are Doing Just Fine

I don’t want to downplay the pain divorce can cause, but overall, my kids are thriving. They’re well-behaved and haven’t shown signs of distress. Since they were so young at the time of our separation, they have no vivid memories of our life as a family. We ensure they feel supported by both parents at every special occasion, and we’ve always kept them out of our conflicts. They’re learning valuable lessons about respect and love, so don’t feel sorry for them—they’re okay!

Next time you hear about a friend or colleague navigating a divorce, reach out. A warm hug, a listening ear, or even a doughnut can make a world of difference.

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Summary:

Divorce can be a challenging and isolating experience, but understanding the nuances of divorced motherhood can help foster supportive relationships. Divorced moms want their friends to know that their decisions are complex, that they aren’t desperate for relationships, and that their children are thriving despite the changes.