I Just Welcomed My Last Baby, and I Didn’t Anticipate Feeling This Sad About It

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It’s been eight weeks since my partner and I welcomed our newest little bundle of joy into our family. As our fourth child, this time has allowed us to come out of the newborn haze and settle into our new routine. However, it’s also given me time to reflect on the finality of this moment for us, as she truly is our last one.

Honestly, she’s like a little bonus. When I envisioned our family, I always pictured having three kids. I mentally prepared for three college funds, how we’d juggle simultaneous activities, and we even chose our home partly for its shared bedroom for the two siblings of the same gender. Three kids—that was the plan.

Then came surprise number four. While I absolutely adore our new addition, I can’t deny she was a bit unexpected. As soon as we learned about her, my partner went and got snipped, ensuring no more surprises down the line. So, as we entered this new chapter, we knew it would be our last. That’s why it’s so surprising that I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that she is the final one.

She’s the last little one whose kicks I’ll feel inside me. The last whose sweet scent I’ll inhale during midnight snuggles. The last to be contently carried around in our trusty baby carrier. The last to transform from a squishy baby into an independent little person.

Our eldest is still young, and we have many firsts awaiting us. We haven’t sent a kid to high school or dealt with first dates yet. There are still first kisses and first heartbreaks on the horizon. The distant milestones of college, marriage, and even grandchildren feel far away. But this also marks the conclusion of firsts for us.

The last first smile.
The last first words.
The last first steps.

This day was bound to arrive eventually; we can’t keep having babies forever. I always thought that when we reached this point, I’d look at my family and feel a sense of completion. Instead, I can easily imagine one or two more smiles in our home. If circumstances allowed—logistically, financially, and health-wise—I’d totally keep having babies. But, that’s not our reality, so this is it.

After this little one, we’ll retire the crib and high chair. Bottles, sippy cups, and tummy time mats will be put away for good. She’ll be the last to ride in a stroller, the last to need a car seat, and the last to head off to school.

She’s guiding us into a new phase of life. Our household is going to change dramatically as she grows. There will come a day without diapers. A time when everyone can put on their own shoes and hop in the car. Eventually, there will be a time when all of them are in school, and someday, they won’t need us at all.

My mind knows this is the best decision for our family, but my heart isn’t quite there yet. So here I am, feeling emotional and mourning the end of this chapter. Because even though we are at the beginning of her life, it also signifies the end of an era. Her firsts will be our lasts, and the end of something so beautiful is undeniably bittersweet.

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In summary, welcoming a last baby can bring unexpected emotions as it marks both new beginnings and the end of cherished experiences.