I’m Not Concerned About My Son Going to College

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My eldest son, Ben, is currently in his junior year of high school, and as we approach the end of the year, the pressure is mounting. This is the time when all the college preparations start: standardized tests, financial aid workshops, campus tours… there’s a lot to juggle for him and for us as parents.

According to the college prep lists I’ve come across, I should be doing a lot more planning and stressing. I haven’t enrolled Ben in an ACT prep class or looked into the admission requirements for our state universities. We haven’t attended any college fairs or scheduled campus visits, nor have we explored scholarship opportunities.

To be honest, I doubt Ben—a fairly average student—will get accepted into the better universities in our state, especially the public ones, let alone receive any merit-based financial assistance.

But my indifference goes beyond that. While I believe higher education has its merits, I also think many kids aren’t quite ready to jump straight from high school into college—and some may never be.

I can relate to this. In high school, I was caught up in social events and creative activities, but when it came to academics, well, let’s just say I spent a lot of time grounded during my senior year for not focusing. I’d be fully engaged in art or choir but would zone out in math or science classes. It wasn’t just about poor study habits; I simply didn’t care enough about the results to put in the effort.

When it was time for my friends to head off to college, I followed suit, tagging along with a friend to a mid-sized state university. Although I had a blast, my academic performance was dismal. After four semesters, I dropped out with a mediocre GPA and a mountain of student loans, still clueless about my future career.

Eventually, I returned to education as a mom, and things were different this time. I focused, applied myself, and earned straight A’s. But when I sold an article to a national magazine and realized I could make a living as a writer, I questioned if college was the right path for me.

While school was going well, it was also expensive. I had shown I could earn money as a writer without a degree. As a mom of two little ones with another on the way, I decided to drop out again, but this time, I didn’t look back.

Now, over a decade later, I find myself trying to feel enthusiastic about something I didn’t finish myself.

“College is a scam,” Ben casually remarked the other day.

“No, it’s not!” I instinctively replied, almost feeling guilty.

“Oh really? You and Dad didn’t finish, and you both are doing fine.”

He has a point. My partner, Chris, also attended college for a while, but he now thrives as an IT professional thanks to certifications, self-teaching, and a friendly demeanor that attracts clients. And I’ve been writing full-time for nearly ten years. Together, we make a comfortable living; we’re not rich, but we’re happy and taken care of.

I know we’re not the norm. Many people find that a college degree enhances their job prospects, and not everyone is suited for self-employment—something I sometimes wonder about myself. With five kids, it’s not surprising that at least one of them would take a different path, which happens to be our firstborn. He’s navigating this pressure-filled time, and I want to support him without imposing a rigid path.

I truly believe Ben will achieve great things in his own unique way. However, I don’t think his journey needs to follow the traditional route of high school, college, and then a career. A simple conversation with him reassures me that he’ll be okay, even if his path looks unconventional.

If more parents embraced this perspective, it could alleviate a lot of stress and debt for young adults.

Interestingly, my situation is somewhat the opposite of many parents. I see the beauty in a self-directed life, I’m proud of my accomplishments without a degree, and I believe Chris and I are doing better financially than if we had taken the traditional route.

Sure, I sometimes worry about what other parents think of my relaxed approach to Ben’s future. But my main role as a parent is to understand and appreciate each child for who they are and to help them transition into adulthood in a way that suits them—regardless of societal expectations.

Some of our kids will likely want to attend college, and while I don’t fully grasp that desire, I support it. However, if Ben takes a year or two—or even longer—to find his path, whether that means starting a business, learning a trade, or becoming an artist or writer, as long as he’s engaged and growing, that’s more than okay with me.

In summary, my experience has shown me that there are many paths to success, and embracing individuality can lead to fulfilling lives without conforming to societal norms about education.