The Changing Seasons of Marriage

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Nothing quite brings out the worst in a marriage like a family road trip.

“Oops! I missed my turn!”
“What do you mean you missed your turn?”
“I mean, I missed my turn.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yep.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I was chatting with the kids.”
“You can’t talk and pay attention to the road?”
“I didn’t see it coming.”
“Why didn’t you ask me for directions?”
“Because I didn’t need directions.”
“Well, clearly you did.”

It’s just an extra ten minutes, but it feels like a major crossroads in our relationship—one of many. We made it past this one. Eventually. But these moments always seem to lurk around, ready to pounce when you least expect them.

These days, my partner and I find ourselves in a perpetual state of mild annoyance with each other. I like to think that our frustration is really aimed at the rambunctious little creatures that have taken over our once serene home. I often catch myself taking a deep breath, forcing a smile, and calmly speaking to my kids through gritted teeth. But that irritation needs an outlet. So, I end up taking it out on my husband, Alex.

I remember a time when I eagerly awaited Alex’s arrival home, counting the seconds until he walked through the door. Nowadays, I see him come in and think, “Finally, some extra hands!” But then he wants to do things like kick off his shoes, change his clothes, and use the bathroom.

Just the other day, my daughter asked, “Mom, isn’t it funny that Dad’s an adult, but you tell him how long he can be in the bathroom?” No, Lily, I don’t find that funny at all.

And I can tell he’s not exactly thrilled with me either. I can be a bit snappy. Maybe controlling. Definitely emotional. I understand why he might not always like me, and honestly, there are days when I question my own self-worth.

Right now, my primary goal is survival. I’m just hoping to make it until all three kids are in school, can clean themselves up, and understand why we shouldn’t run into oncoming traffic. If I can get there, then maybe I’ll focus on becoming a more pleasant person.

For now, I’m grateful that at the end of the day, he’s still by my side. In this chaotic season of parenting, we’re holding on for each other.

I’ve realized that everything in marriage has its season. I’ve found this to be more accurate than in any other part of my life. There were times when I thought our current struggles defined our entire relationship. If we were disagreeing now, I worried we would always disagree. If I felt unhappy today, I assumed I would never feel happy again.

When we relocated to a new city, it felt like we were living in separate worlds. His was filled with joy; mine was anything but. At night, it felt like there was an invisible wall between us. Our hands could touch, but the real connection was lost.

I can’t pinpoint when that wall came down. It wasn’t a single moment of clarity. Instead, it happened gradually. One night, I looked over and realized that the barrier was gone. We had simply passed through a difficult season together.

Now, I strive to manage my emotions and recognize that this current phase is just that—a phase. Sometimes it’s joyful, sometimes painful, sometimes challenging, but it will eventually pass. When I remember this, I can savor the good times a little more, knowing they are fleeting, and I can endure the tough times, understanding they too will fade.

Perhaps these challenging seasons are the ones we’ll reminisce about with the most fondness. “I can’t believe we made it through the toddler years,” he’ll say as we sit on the porch holding hands. “Or that move to that new city,” I’ll add, adjusting my scarf around my neck. (In my happy future moments, it’s always fall.)

My understanding of love has evolved significantly over the years, and I expect it will continue to change. I believe love itself remains constant, but my perception of it never does.

These days, I think of love as simply being there for each other, even when we hardly like one another. We’re in this together, for better or worse, and it’s not what I envisioned before marriage, but somehow it’s even more beautiful. Right now, in this whirlwind of small children, it’s just enough.

If you’re interested in exploring more about parenting and relationships, check out this insightful post on how to navigate the complexities of family life. And for those looking to boost their chances of conception, this resource from Make a Mom could be a great help. Also, if you’re keen on understanding fertility options better, don’t miss this excellent podcast from Cleveland Clinic on IVF and fertility preservation.

Summary:

Marriage has its seasons, filled with ups and downs that can be frustrating yet ultimately rewarding. The challenges we face today—like dealing with young children—will pass, and it’s important to recognize that love is about being there for each other, even during tough times. By understanding that each phase is temporary, we can better appreciate the joyful moments and endure the difficult ones.