17 Essential Life Lessons My Boys Need to Learn

home insemination Kit

Hey there, my wonderful boys,

As you journey through life, there are countless lessons I want to share with you. I want to help you grow into strong, respectful men who cherish themselves and others. But today, I want to cover some more light-hearted yet crucial tidbits that will make your lives a bit easier as you navigate the world.

So, let’s dive in…

1. Don’t worry, your penis is not going anywhere; protesting won’t do you any good.
2. Sitting on someone’s face is never acceptable— just don’t do it.
3. Toothbrushes are for cleaning teeth, not for anything else—especially not for your penis!
4. Baths aren’t as enjoyable if you decide to pee or poop in the water.
5. Please, NEVER pick up poop with your bare hands— unless you’re a parent dealing with your kid’s mishaps. Then it’s a rite of passage, but wash your hands thoroughly afterward!
6. Boogers belong in tissues, not in your brother’s hair, or on my hair, or anywhere else.
7. Farts are funny at any age, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
8. While I love the enthusiasm when you yell “FARTIN!”, maybe keep that kind of humor at home.
9. Lying is not okay— unless it’s to protect someone’s feelings, like when you say, “If you do that, your penis might fall off!”
10. Soap is most effective when used on your body, not on the bathtub walls.
11. Showing your penis to others is generally not appropriate. Trust me on this—there are exceptions, but they come later in life.
12. I get it; watching pee come out is fascinating, but don’t get too close to your brother’s crotch—keep your face to yourself!
13. You may feel alive in your birthday suit, but it’s best to wear clothes when you’re out in public. Sorry, but that’s just how it is!
14. I know you adore your penis, but sometimes you need to let go of it and use both hands for other things. Life’s easier that way.
15. When you finally decide to hold my face and say you love me, I can overlook where your hands have been. But your future partner might not be so forgiving. Just a heads up!
16. Life is more than just your penis. You might feel otherwise now, but as you grow up, remember that the world doesn’t revolve around it.
17. Above all, I love you endlessly— more than you love your penis. Just think about that for a moment.

If you want more insights on parenting and life lessons, check out our other blog posts, including this fantastic one about privacy policy. And if you’re curious about home insemination, Make a Mom has some great resources for you. Also, for an excellent overview of infertility, take a look at the CDC’s infertility resources.

In summary, these are just some light-hearted yet essential truths that I hope will guide you as you grow. Embrace them, and remember that you’re always loved.