Pacifiers and Other Parenting Tools That Get Judged

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You know how some parenting choices seem to spark a lot of unsolicited opinions? Take pacifiers, for example. If someone spots a kid who they think is “too old” for one, it’s like they feel compelled to share their thoughts, as if there’s a parenting manual that says when to retire the pacifier. As if parents don’t have enough on their plates already — now they have to navigate the judgment surrounding the very tools designed to make their lives a bit easier!

Recently, I came across a question on Yahoo Parenting: “My baby won’t let go of his pacifier. Should I be worried?” The answer? Not really. In short, aim to wean kids off the pacifier between six months and a year for an easier transition. If that window passes, they suggested working on it by age four to avoid potential issues with teeth and speech. Four years old — that’s a bit more comforting, right? Most parents I know who fret about pacifier use have kiddos who are still under a year.

So Why the Anxiety?

I suspect it’s the judgment surrounding parenting choices, especially those involving items that calm our children. My first child was a big fan of the pacifier, and to this day, he won’t sleep without his favorite pillow. Some kids form attachments to things more than others, making it tough to part ways. I had heard all the “self-soothing” warnings before he arrived, but I figured a pacifier was a good backup. Honestly, I was so relieved to have it that first night in the hospital when he was crying uncontrollably. I popped that thing in, and it made a world of difference.

I never really questioned the appropriateness of my child using a pacifier beyond infancy. He liked it, so I let him keep it. But then came a not-so-subtle comment from another mom. When my son was about 15 months old, we were in line at a bookstore, and a woman came out of the restroom with her daughter and said, “Oh look, a toddler with a pacifier.” Seriously?

The Judgment Game

First off, talking to another adult through your kid is a new level of passive aggression. Second, why on earth do you care how long another parent allows their child to use a pacifier? It’s baffling. I stood there, stunned, wondering why someone would feel the need to interject their opinion in such a random way.

The tools you choose to navigate parenting are nobody’s business but yours. Whether your child uses a pacifier doesn’t define your parenting skills. My second child had zero interest in a pacifier or any soothing object, despite me parenting both of them in the same way. So if your kid clings to a pacifier for a bit longer, don’t stress about it. Some experts even suggest that taking it away too soon might lead to kids finding other ways to self-soothe, like sucking their thumb or fiddling with their clothes.

Finding Your Own Path

In the end, if you feel your toddler’s pacifier use is excessive, there are plenty of methods to help wean them off it. But if your concerns stem from the judgment of others, just let it go. Oh, and if you’re interested in more parenting advice, check out this post about home insemination kits that could be helpful too. For trusted info, you might want to visit ACOG’s resource on pregnancy and home insemination.

To wrap it up, remember that parenting is a journey filled with choices, and what’s right for your family is what truly matters.