What Happens When a Dad in His 40s Attempts to GOOP Like Gwyneth?

What do Gwyneth Paltrow and I share? A fondness for the luxurious sensation of hard coconut oil in my mouth. That’s right—just like the GOOP queen herself, I’m diving into the world of oil pulling. This trendy practice involves swishing oil around your mouth for 10 to 20 minutes before breakfast, and it’s suddenly all the rage. It reminds me of when neti pots became a thing back in the ’80s; if you didn’t live in a yoga studio, you probably didn’t know what they were. Just the other day, I was having lunch with my 87-year-old Aunt Ruby, who noticed I had a cold. Between bites of her pastrami sandwich, she exclaimed, “You should try a neti pot! They’re amazing!” Then she offered to show me how to use one.

I know what you’re thinking: twenty minutes? That’s practically an episode of a show. Who has time for that? A quick Google search on oil pulling brings up a ton of articles, and honestly, I feel like I’m a year behind the trend. So, I spend my day reading about this ancient practice, only to find that everyone seems to be quoting the same celebrities and local dentists, all pulling information from the same small lake.

One dentist, Dr. Max Green, who has a star-studded clientele, sings the praises of oil pulling. He explains, “The toxins in your body are fat-soluble, so they bind to the oil and are eliminated when you spit it out. It makes sense that it would reduce plaque.” Young actress Mia Johnson is also a fan, but she prefers using olive oil instead of coconut. It feels like there might be a showdown brewing over oil preferences!

I trust Gwyneth; who wouldn’t? But I’d prefer to hear from some credible experts. Some sources attribute the revival of oil pulling to Dr. Samuel B. Carter, who presented a paper on the subject back in 1992. Carter believes humans could live up to 150 years if they embraced this practice. Others say it has roots in the ancient Ayurvedic text, the Charaka Samhita, written around 700 BC, which claims oil pulling can help with everything from jaw strength to preventing dry lips.

In India, more people have credited oil pulling with various health benefits, from alleviating aches to improving skin clarity. One newspaper found that 89% of respondents reported positive results. Sounds promising! I wonder if it could alleviate my nagging lower back pain?

However, many skeptics, like those at snopes.com, dismiss it outright.

Only one way to find out—time to give it a shot!

Day 1

The instructions say to swish on an empty stomach first thing in the morning. I wake up early and grab a tablespoon of coconut oil. It melts quickly once in my mouth. I fidget for a bit, then start wandering around the house to pass the time. Ten minutes in, my son Max wakes up, so I spit out the oil into the compost bin (because no one wants clogged pipes). My mouth feels surprisingly fresh, and my jaw is definitely awake. I can’t remember the last time I spent this long enjoying my teeth!

Day 2

I wake up in the middle of the night, so I take the chance to swish without interruptions. In the morning, my breath feels fresh, and flossing is a breeze.

Day 3

Today, I wake up with my boys, and they think it’s hilarious when I try to communicate while swishing. My tongue isn’t distracting me as much today. Am I imagining it, or are my teeth actually looking whiter? Oddly, my back pain is worse today. Could it be from writing all day yesterday, or maybe it’s a detox effect?

Day 4

After my morning routine, I feel a surge of happiness. When I eat lunch, my teeth are significantly less sensitive, just as the ancient text predicted. My gums feel healthy too!

Day 5

I decide to indulge in a little whiskey the night before while watching some old episodes of a show. This morning, the thought of my coconut oil doesn’t seem appealing, but I’m committed. To my surprise, after oil pulling, my hangover disappears.

Day 6

After some wrestling with my son Ben, I wake up with a scratchy throat—definitely catching a cold. But after my oil swishing session, I feel like a new person. Can I get an Amen to that?

I’ve now completed a week of oil pulling and plan to keep it going. Am I just going to do this forever? I might. But I have to think about my wife, Linda, who’s clearly not thrilled about my spitting habits. Plus, there’s only so long she’ll tolerate my silent mornings while I prep the kids for school. Who knows, if oil pulling makes me live to 150, I might miss out on time with my family!

In summary, oil pulling has been a wild ride. While it’s not without its skeptics, I’ve seen some benefits, and it’s become part of my daily routine. If you’re curious about other ways to enhance your health and home insemination methods, check out this great resource for pregnancy and home insemination.

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And if you’re interested in learning more about other parenting topics, don’t forget to check out this blog post!