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Enough Already with the Parenting Stress!
Updated: Feb. 26, 2021
Originally Published: April 6, 2020
Here we go again. Enough with the constant rush. Enough with the never-ending laundry pile that seems to multiply overnight. Enough with fundraisers that only serve to fund bigger fundraisers. Enough with people who can’t grasp how turn lanes actually work. Enough with Evites and the endless emails asking, “Did you see the Evite?” Enough with having 11 tabs open in my browser (not in a bar). Enough with shaming, and the cycle of shaming the shamers. Enough with outrageous shipping prices. Enough with Lykke Li’s overuse of cowbell. Seriously—enough!
I’m feeling cranky. Everything is just go, go, go! There’s no pause button, not even on a sunny Sunday morning when I’m trying to enjoy a new book on my porch. I can’t shake the feeling that I should be somewhere else, doing something else. It’s like there’s always a deadline looming—something overdue or lost. It feels like there’s always something that needs to be done, and I’m constantly judging myself for either handling it poorly or trying to ignore it for a moment. But who’s actually judging me? Really, who?
The answer? “No one, silly.” This nagging feeling of inadequacy, of being perpetually behind, and the guilt that washes over me when I try to take a breather is all coming from my own brain, isn’t it? Enough already!
I could totally dive into a long analysis of why we feel this way as women. I could discuss societal expectations, gender norms, or even write a thesis on the self-imposed pressures we face. I could craft a series of tweets about how there’s no such thing as the perfect mom, wife, or person perfectly fitting into the daily grind. But honestly? These discussions happen every single day.
Even with the endless stream of articles urging women to stop trying to do it all, it still feels like that elusive perfection—or at least satisfaction with our efforts—might be just within reach. If only the kids could jump into the car a little quicker. If only I could remember to buy laundry detergent. If only I could sort the e-bill from the electric company into the right folder. If, if, if.
Enough!
This past weekend, I took the kids for a walk home from a neighborhood Easter party. I was juggling a hundred things in my head, reminding them to let the little ones have first dibs on the eggs and to be careful around the piñata. Meanwhile, I felt exposed. My kids were the oldest there, and I wasn’t filming every moment or fussing over chocolate smeared on their faces. I was thrilled to see how far we’ve come, but I also realized I was now the mom of older kids—the one who gets scrutinized by the younger moms. The one with the giants bouncing in the bouncy house, staring off into space instead of chasing after them.
What I wish I could tell those new moms is that I’m still very much aware of what my kids are doing. I do worry about their size in the bouncy house. But maybe, just maybe, the glances I perceive as judgment are actually just reflections of their own worries. I wonder if they are caught up in their thoughts of, “Why is my kid the one crying?” or “How do I escape before someone gets sick?” Our fleeting looks don’t always mean judgment. It makes me feel bad that my first thought is to assume they’re judging me.
Enough!
As we walked home, my youngest trailed behind, as usual. I felt my impatience rising as I turned to look at him, slow and distracted. Just as I was about to hurry him along, he grinned and held up a tiny leaf with a rollie pollie perched on it. “I gotta keep him safe,” he said. “He’s so little, I might lose him if he falls.”
In that moment, I remembered something crucial: not every second is a race to the next. Not every moment is on a big screen waiting for applause.
Enough with feeling like I’m not enough. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is to slow down enough to appreciate the little things. They can be pretty hard to find again once they’re gone.
For more on navigating parenthood, check out our other blog posts, like this one on home insemination or find useful resources at Make a Mom. You might also find valuable insights on fertility and home insemination.