What Goes Through My Mind When I See Pregnant Women

home insemination Kit

Everywhere I look, I see expectant mothers, their rounded bellies stretching the fabric of colorful dresses and flowing tops. I catch a glimpse of their radiant smiles, a visible manifestation of the joy they carry within, a little miracle set to arrive in just a few weeks or months.

The memories of my own pregnancy are still fresh, like rich, dark soil I can almost grasp in my hands and breathe in deeply. I can vividly picture myself in a vibrant red dress, 36 weeks along, feeling the gentle kicks of life nestled inside me. I remember thinking, “It won’t be long now,” and just three weeks later, I welcomed the child I had dreamt of for so long.

My path to motherhood wasn’t a straight one; it was filled with challenges and setbacks. Sticking with the wrong partner led to a marriage that was far from right, but the subsequent divorce at 33 left me grappling with solitude and worry about my dreams of becoming a mom. Fortunately, when I met the right guy less than a year later, we decided to savor our time as a couple before expanding our family.

On New Year’s Eve in 2008, I shared the news with my husband that we were expecting. He was going to be a fantastic dad, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me—it seemed like everything would go smoothly from that point on. But life had other plans. We faced challenges that included Hyperemesis Gravidarum, gestational diabetes, a c-section, and postpartum anxiety.

Even though our love for our son was immense, we made the conscious choice to stop at one child. The perfect family of four, with a boy and a girl in a charming little house? That’s a fantasy for many. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don’t want to experience pregnancy again, but the reality that I will never hold my own baby again is a heavy thought to bear.

It’s a stark reminder of the passage of time. I’ll never relive my teenage years, my 20s, or even the excitement of my 30s. My youthful beauty is softening as I transition into middle age, though I still feel the spirit of my younger self. Time is flying by, and I’m acutely aware of it.

Yet, I also have so much to look forward to. I have grown past the uncertainties of my 20s and have discovered what true love means. I no longer feel the need to fit into trendy clothes to feel good about myself.

But the thought of never cradling my own baby again? That takes my breath away. Jennifer Aniston once said, “I have mothered many things,” and I resonate with that sentiment. Even though I won’t welcome another child, I can still be a wonderful surrogate aunt to my friends having their second, third, or even ninth child this year. I can support other women in their writing careers and serve as a role model. And one day, hopefully, I’ll be a grandmother and hold another precious child in my arms.

Motherhood has been the most incredible experience of my life, and I cherish it every day. So if you catch me gazing wistfully at a pregnant woman, just give me a kind smile—I’m simply lost in my memories.

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Summary: This piece reflects on the author’s thoughts and feelings when she sees pregnant women, sharing her own journey through motherhood, the challenges she faced, and her acceptance of not having more children. It emphasizes the beauty of motherhood while acknowledging the bittersweet reality of time and experiences that can never be revisited.