The 4 Things My Kid Says That Drive Me Up the Wall

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Ever since my twenties, I’ve dreamed about having deep conversations with my future child. It’s how I connect with others, so when my daughter, Mia, finally started chatting with me, I was over the moon. However, life is all about balance. While discussing the latest superhero movies is a blast, there are definitely some things Mia, now 5 ½, says that make me cringe. Here’s how I navigate those moments:

1) “Mommy, will you play with me?”

It’s Saturday morning, and I’ve barely finished my first cup of coffee.

Good Mommy: (sighs) What do you want to play?

Mia: Store!

Good Mommy: What kind of store?

Mia: A jewelry store! I’ll set it up and you can come buy stuff!

Good Mommy: Can’t we just do a puzzle instead?

Mia: C’mon! It’ll be fun!

Good Mommy: (exhales) Alright, let’s do this.

Real Mommy: Seriously? A store? I can’t stand role play like this! There’s no end, and I’m just going to have to keep pretending to buy things while all I want to do is relax on the couch and scroll through my phone.

2) “My butt is itchy.”

This tends to happen when we’re rushing to school, surrounded by a crowd.

Good Mommy: Okay, sweetheart. We’ll get to the bathroom as soon as we arrive.

Mia: (crying) No! Mommy, please!

I grab a tissue and awkwardly try to help her.

Good Mommy: (gently) Is that better?

Mia: (nods)

Good Mommy: I know, no one likes an itchy butt.

Real Mommy: Seriously? You’ll just have to tough it out until we get to school! I mean, how is your butt itchy after I wiped it a million times last night? And do I really look like a lunatic wiping you down in public? And let’s not even get started on “My vagina’s itchy.”

3) “Why are you being so mean?”

Good Mommy: Remember when I said I get tired when you don’t listen? It’s hard for me.

Mia: But you don’t have to be mean.

Good Mommy: You’re right. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?

Mia: Yes!

Real Mommy: Because I’m completely drained from working all day just to put food on the table. All I want is to unwind and watch my show, but you’re bouncing around instead of listening!

4) “I love you so, so much.”

Good Mommy: Aww, thank you, sweetie. I love you tons too.

(Truth is, I don’t hate this one, but it tugs at my heartstrings.)

Real Mommy: Oh, honey. Can we just go back to “I love you”? When you say you “love me so much,” it makes me worry about dying young and leaving you behind. That thought makes me want to cry.

Mia: Why would you die early?

Real Mommy: Well, life can be unfair sometimes. My dad passed away when he was only 45, and it’s a scary thought.

By the way, it’s tough to feel this way, especially after beating breast cancer. But then we had this cute conversation the other night:

Mia: Mommy, how old will you be in 20 years?

Real Mommy: 65.

Mia: And in 40 years?

Real Mommy: 85.

Mia: (thinks) That’s old!

Real Mommy: It is! I’ll probably be all wrinkly and hunched over.

Mia: You might even be dead!

Real Mommy: You’re right! I might be! Isn’t that funny?

We both laughed, and honestly, it was just what I needed.

In summary, while parenting comes with its fair share of frustrations, it’s also filled with humorous and heartwarming moments. It’s all about finding that balance between the good mommy and real mommy. If you’re looking for more insights on home insemination, check out this article or visit Make A Mom for tips on fertility. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource is excellent.