Is it weird to feel like I’m back in middle school at 43? Recently, I shared my concerns about shielding my sixth-grade daughter from the chaotic world of middle school, and it got me thinking about my own feelings of social discomfort. Am I projecting my worries onto her, or is it that I genuinely feel as lost as I did at 12?
My middle school years were tough—filled with loneliness and insecurity—but I managed to find my footing in high school. At my all-girls school, we sorted through a lot of the social drama by 9th grade. Many of the more troubled kids left, which brought a calmer atmosphere. While I had some friendship bumps in high school, I was lucky to have a close-knit group that supported each other.
College was a breath of fresh air—a friendship paradise. Surrounded by peers who shared my passion, I thrived in the camaraderie of my singing group, theater pals, and my fellow New Yorkers. Even though my romantic life was full of ups and downs, my friends were my anchors during those years, and I treasure the memories we made together.
Unfortunately, after graduation, my friends scattered across the country—first for advanced degrees and jobs, then for marriages and new hometowns. Even when distance isn’t a factor, life gets in the way. Kids and finances make it harder to reconnect, and while social media keeps some friendships alive, it’s no substitute for the joy of in-person laughter and conversation. Those rare weekends together or spontaneous lunches during busy workdays are some of my fondest memories from the last two decades.
Some people prioritize wealth and status; for me, it’s all about the friendships I cultivate over time. My family is my top priority, but my friendships hold a special place in my heart. I thrive in a large circle of friends and believe in nurturing connections.
I’ve noticed a tinge of insecurity creeping back as my daughter transitions into middle school. My friendships with other parents feel strained, often reflecting the same challenges our kids face. Digital communication can amplify these feelings. When my daughter texts me about a friend being unkind, it inevitably impacts my relationship with that child’s parents.
As I pull away from the daily interactions that once defined our kids’ friendships, I feel a bit lost. I went from knowing every family in my daughter’s class to not even recognizing a third of them. It’s disorienting, to say the least.
Recently, I’ve had some unexpected disagreements with close friends that have shaken me more than I’d like to admit. I find myself feeling left out, reminiscent of those middle school days. Am I reliving that awkward phase again?
To ground myself, I reach out to my solid friendships, making an effort to reconnect despite the distance. I also enjoy cultivating new friendships outside the confines of school—it’s refreshing to connect without the baggage of parenting ties. As my children’s emotional lives become more complex, I long for my friendships to remain uncomplicated and joyful.
I remind myself of the advice I give my daughter: this phase will pass. I hold onto the hope that, like her, I’ll find my balance again soon. I’m really ready to leave those middle school feelings behind once more.