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My Daughter Isn’t Your “Girlfriend”
I’ve noticed a pattern with my little girl, Mia, and her baby sister, Zoe. Various people—flight attendants, strangers in the grocery store, a barista at the local café, even the pediatrician—have all taken to calling them their “Girlfriend.” It’s always the same playful tone, like they’re trying to be extra cute. Z snaps for everyone, right?
Let me clarify that I believe these folks genuinely mean well. Their intentions are kind-hearted. But it’s crucial to pay attention to our language, especially when it comes to interactions across different races. I can’t help but notice that I rarely hear the same casual familiarity directed toward little white girls. Instead, they get asked their names, and people use them.
When I’ve shared my discomfort about strangers calling Mia and Zoe “Girlfriend,” some of my friends have pushed back. Why should I overthink it? One friend even said she calls all girls “Mamacita.” But I’m not trying to put anyone on the defensive about their language choices. It’s not just a few isolated incidents; it’s a common occurrence. I wouldn’t be surprised if a mom of Black girls told you her daughter was called “Girlfriend” more times than she can count in a week. So it’s no wonder that sometimes, I just want to raise my hand and say, “Stop.”
This playful term might seem harmless at first glance, but it can be quite demeaning in our social context. Referring to my child as your “Girlfriend” implies a relationship you haven’t earned yet. It skips the necessary steps to build genuine trust and ignores the boundaries every child has a right to maintain.
It’s a little like the casual act of touching a Black woman’s hair without asking—it’s a boundary violation that many people don’t even realize they’re crossing. Meanwhile, my daughters are learning that they should accept inappropriate familiarity and touch from strangers, rather than exercising their right to say no. So, let me step in for them: Stop.
I know you mean no harm and probably want to connect with Mia or Zoe. I get it; they’re adorable and deserve friends. But I’m asking you to take a moment to reconsider how you approach her. Use her name instead. If you don’t know it, that’s a sign you aren’t friends yet. And you won’t be until you see her as a person first, not just a “Girlfriend.”
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize how our words shape our relationships, especially when it comes to children of different races. Let’s be more mindful and respectful in our interactions.