Revisiting ABC’s Afterschool Specials

I dove into the world of ABC’s Afterschool Specials like a kid in a candy store. It’s funny how quickly I remembered those shows, as I found myself reciting lines right along with the characters. Growing up, we watched familiar faces like Anthony Kiedis, Vince Vaughn, Jodie Foster, and Leif Garrett tackle tough subjects like bullying, alcoholism, and divorce. They delivered cringe-worthy lines while navigating outrageous plot twists, creating drama that would make even Susan Lucci envious.

Blind Sunday

Let’s start with “Blind Sunday,” where a teenager named Jeff decides to spend a day blindfolded to understand his blind girlfriend better. Kudos for the effort, Jeff, but seriously, do you even realize how ridiculous you look? If she did, the episode would have ended with her pushing you into traffic.

My Mom’s Having a Baby

Next up is “My Mom’s Having a Baby,” where a curious ten-year-old wants to know how babies are made. This reminds me of that awkward moment with my own daughter when she was eight. I was nine months pregnant with her little brother and told her I swallowed a bean, and voilà—a baby! The truth? Well, let’s just say it was a bit more complicated than that.

Where Do Teenagers Come From?

Following that is “Where Do Teenagers Come From?” which perfectly captures the confusion of a 12-year-old girl grappling with her changing body. I could have used this gem a few weeks ago when I casually mentioned to my daughter that she had hair down there now. She bolted from the bathroom and didn’t speak to me for days.

The First Egg

Then there’s “The First Egg,” where high school students are tasked with ‘parenting’ an egg. I can only imagine how my daughter would handle this project today—she’d probably drop the egg, blame it on her brother (who isn’t even in the room), and then go back to binge-watching her favorite shows.

Alexander

Oh, but the nostalgia doesn’t stop there. “Alexander” tells the story of a retired clown who loves kids. Totally not creepy, right? And “The Skating Rink” dives into the struggles of a teenager who stutters but works hard to become a champion figure skater.

Make Believe Marriage

Now, let’s talk about “Make Believe Marriage,” where high schoolers must navigate the mundane tasks of married life. If we had all paid attention to this episode, none of us would actually be married. I can hear someone saying, “Hey, sweetheart, let’s spend our Saturday grocery shopping, running errands, and then crashing on the couch by 9 p.m. Sounds romantic, right?”

It’s worth noting that during its run from 1972 to 1997, ABC didn’t once touch on the subject of gay teens. Bravo, ABC, for dedicating an entire episode to a sad clown while pretending homosexuality didn’t exist. I can just picture Tom skating and thinking, “Really? You think my stutter is my biggest issue?”

The Unforgivable Secret

I wrapped up with “The Unforgivable Secret,” where a 15-year-old learns her “deceased” father is alive. This took me back to my childhood when I was told my dog, Pepi, ran away to join a pack of neighborhood dogs. I found out years later that my mom had actually put him to sleep. Unforgivable, indeed.

I enjoyed this trip down memory lane, but I think I’ll keep the rest of these episodes as fond memories. Unless I feel adventurous tonight, I might see if my husband would like to reenact some scenes from “Dinky Hocker,” about an overweight teen obsessed with food. “Well, hello there, Mister, I think your turkey drumstick would fit nicely in my self-cleaning oven.” Maybe I should just stick to the original lines from Dinky!

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Summary

ABC’s Afterschool Specials take us on a nostalgic journey through the challenges faced by teens in the past. From tackling sensitive topics like bullying and pregnancy to the awkwardness of growing up, these episodes remind us of the struggles we all faced—even if they didn’t always address everything.