My Partner Earns More Than I Do, and I’m Learning to Embrace It

home insemination Kit

I had a moment of reflection recently that led me down a strange path: why are there so few places to buy unique beads? It’s wild to think that in a city overflowing with shops selling e-cigarettes and artisan coffee, finding a decent polymer-coated glass bead is nearly impossible.

Now, just to clarify, I’ve never dabbled in beading or any crafty pursuits. But there I was, fixating on the notion of opening my own artisanal bead store.

That bead shop idea was my low point, my call for help. I’m a writer, husband, and father of three, but during those odd weeks of dreaming about beads, I felt lost. I’ve been a reporter, an author, a speechwriter, a web developer, and a music supervisor—essentially, I’ve tried my hand at a bit of everything. Following my mother’s feminist ideals, I bounced around from one creative endeavor to another without really establishing a solid career.

Meanwhile, my partner, Clara, has been thriving in the television industry since her college graduation. She worked tirelessly, crafting script after script and eventually created a hit show. As her career took off, my financial contributions became less significant. So, like many partners of successful individuals, I stepped back. I became the one managing the home front, handling carpools, repairs, and meal planning. I even connected with a group of guys, whom I affectionately dubbed the Plus Ones, all married to women who outshine us in income and recognition.

While I enjoyed spending time with the kids, insecurities crept in. I felt a twinge of discomfort when filling out forms that requested a “primary cardholder.” I often found myself having outbursts of frustration—like speeding off in the minivan after drop-offs or doing something reckless at the kids’ birthday parties. That’s around the time my bead fascination emerged.

Fortunately, I managed to shake off my bead shop delusions. I can’t pinpoint exactly how it happened—maybe a conversation with my more grounded partner? Whatever the case, I realized that my imagined bead store would likely become a sad venture. I wasn’t genuinely passionate about beads; it was just a flimsy excuse to have something interesting to share at social gatherings.

Instead, I returned to writing, not out of desperation but with a renewed sense of purpose. I began to explore themes around male caretakers and female breadwinners, capturing how men navigate family life and how women balance work and home. I wrote about guys who embrace domestic roles and support their successful partners.

For the first time, I wrote freely, without an assignment or the pressure of a deadline. It was a mix of terrifying and liberating. I drew from my experiences but soon began to delve into the deeper insecurities that come with my role. My fictional protagonist faced challenges that mirrored my own but took a darker path—making questionable choices and acting out in ways I never would.

Through writing, I navigated my midlife crisis on the page rather than in real life. I recommend this approach over the more typical midlife crises involving reckless behavior. Sure, it was tricky explaining to my family that my characters might resemble them but were entirely fictional, but I came out the other side unscathed, without resorting to drastic decisions.

Now that my novel is finished and out there, I’m back to being the supportive partner, managing the household while Clara excels in her career. I wish I could say I’ve fully resolved my feelings about this role, but I still grapple with bouts of anxiety about being the one at home. I feel a strange embarrassment that Clara carries the financial weight. I know my contributions are valuable, but I still feel uneasy when I think of a day filled with school drop-offs and meal planning.

Nora Ephron once captured this struggle perfectly when she discussed how deeply ingrained societal expectations still affect us. She pointed out that while we may progress, the remnants of “dreadfully unliberated” fantasies linger. I wonder how we can truly escape the narratives we’ve grown up with.

Despite the challenges, I’ve found a new sense of happiness and security in my role. I’ve realized that no one, regardless of gender, should feel diminished for caring for a family. Unfortunately, support spouses, particularly men, often feel overlooked or unappreciated.

Instead of fixating on my self-worth compared to Clara’s achievements, I focus on the blessings I have—a wonderful partner and three amazing kids. I find comfort knowing that I’m part of this incredible journey alongside a strong woman. I might be a Plus One, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

As we enjoy our Saturday pho dinners, I relish the balance we’ve struck. I may still struggle with feelings of inadequacy at times, but I know that being a supportive partner is just as important as any traditional measure of success.

For additional insights into navigating this journey, check out this article on pregnancy and home insemination, or learn more about couples’ fertility journeys. And if you’re interested in privacy guidelines, you can find them here.

In summary, while it can be challenging to embrace a non-traditional role, I’m learning to appreciate the unique dynamics in our partnership. I’m grateful for the journey we’re on together, and I’m committed to supporting Clara in every way I can.