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Rewatching ‘thirtysomething’ as a fortysomething
In a nostalgic ’80s setting, we see the beautiful couple, Sarah and Tom, sprawled on their bedroom floor, sharing a kiss when their little one, Emma, crawls past. After I purchased Season One of thirtysomething on Amazon and began watching it while tackling household chores (I promise, just laundry!), I turned to my husband and said, “This is what I imagined marriage would be like,” chuckling as the pan-flute theme played in the background. We both laughed because, believe it or not, there was a moment when we were in a similar situation, lost in each other while our own baby crawled by. Thanks to thirtysomething (mostly just the opening credits!), I also got a glimpse of some less glamorous scenes: like trying to enjoy lunch with a stylish friend while your baby wails, or the time your husband comes home to a chaotic living room and no dinner, while you’re on the verge of tears.
This show started airing during my senior year of high school, continuing through my first few years of college. I didn’t catch every episode live, but my mom, one of its biggest fans, would fill me in, while I devoured reruns during summers. I connected with almost every character, especially Sarah and Melissa. I envisioned my life mirroring their journey: a vibrant city life in a creative career, smoothly transitioning to suburban motherhood and the ever-elusive balance between work and family.
At the heart of the show are Sarah and Tom, whose marriage reflects the evolving dynamics of relationships in the ’80s. I remember being captivated as they navigated shared responsibilities, both at home and with their kids. I was definitely taking mental notes (although I sometimes take notes while watching spy shows like Burn Notice, just in case I need to pull a double life someday). Their efforts to maintain romance puzzled me back then; I didn’t quite grasp the challenges they faced.
At 18, I felt a stronger connection to Melissa, who was awkward, anxious, and bursting with love to give. I worried I might end up like her, tied to a commitment-shy guy like Gary, who once gave a junky car as a “surprise” for his baby with someone else. The scene that hit me hardest was during Ellyn’s wedding when Gary’s ghost tells Tom that Melissa and her boyfriend will marry and have a wonderful child. That was a clear sign of what I truly desired in life.
Back then, I didn’t pay much attention to Nancy and Elliot; their mundane issues seemed embarrassing. Fast forward to today, and it’s their story that brings tears to my eyes. My own urban adventure was short-lived, and my creative aspirations have yet to fully materialize. Like Nancy, I fell in love in college, married young, and became a mom to a son and then a daughter. While my marriage hasn’t faced the turmoil theirs did, I understand the strain they experienced. There’s a poignant moment when Nancy tells Sarah that they’ve lost sight of one another. When Elliot walks away, it’s a betrayal, but that separation allows Nancy to rediscover herself as an artist—she publishes a picture book—and regain her identity.
When they reconcile, it’s beautiful; Elliot is reinstalling their stereo, and when he mentions needing a smaller one for his apartment, Nancy slyly asks, “Why would you need two?” They end up dancing to “I Still Miss Someone” by Stevie Nicks, a moment of pure joy. However, Nancy’s cancer diagnosis hits hard. I barely grasped the gravity of such issues when I first watched; as a young adult, I hadn’t faced mortality directly. Thankfully, my parents are still with me, and I haven’t lost friends to cancer yet. But I have spent a night in the hospital with my critically ill preemie, wondering if that would be our last hour together. I see the devastating impact of cancer in my community.
Nancy’s brief reprieve is followed by Gary’s tragic accident. I remember my mother being especially affected by that moment; I didn’t understand her emotional response until now. She was 47 at the time. In your forties, it feels like tragedy lurks around every corner, even in the stories we watch on TV.
What was once a crystal ball for me has become a reflection, a rear-view mirror of sorts. I now understand that life and marriage have their ups and downs, that existence is fragile and can be unexpectedly short. It’s time to dance to that stereo more often. Who knows, maybe I’ll even recreate those floor moments with my husband, although my son is now away at college and won’t be crawling by to interrupt.
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Summary: The author reflects on how rewatching the show “thirtysomething” as a fortysomething evokes memories of her own life stages, marriage, and motherhood. The characters resonate differently now, revealing deeper insights into relationships and personal growth.