Hey there, guys!

Let’s talk about that little buddy you’re always thinking about or, let’s be honest, holding onto throughout the day. As someone who’s spent a lot of time with you all, I feel it’s my responsibility to share some wisdom about your penis. Now, I may not have one myself, but I’ve seen enough that I think I’ve got a solid grasp on the subject. So here are nine things you really ought to know about your anatomy.

1. Chill out

Your penis isn’t going anywhere! It’ll stay put in your pants (if you’re wearing any), so you can stop clutching it while binge-watching your favorite shows. It’ll be with you for life, so maybe treat it a little gentler.

2. Toilet Time

There’s one exception: a firm grip is encouraged when you’re at the toilet. It’s a bit wiggly, and without control, you might end up spraying like a garden hose that’s sprung a leak.

3. Keep it in your shorts

This advice will mean something different when you hit your teenage years, so don’t forget it! No need to rest it on your brother’s shoulder or dunk it in your chocolate milk. That’s just not cool.

4. Stretching it out

Stretching it out like it’s made of rubber might not hurt you, but it sure makes me cringe! Let’s just say that can’t be good for you.

5. Wash your hands

On the rare chance you let go to pick up something else—like a snack or maybe your brother’s face—please wash your hands afterward. It’s just common courtesy.

6. No need to freak out

If it’s pointing the wrong way or crammed in your undies, it’s really not the end of the world. No need to freak out!

7. Choose your spots wisely

Just because you can pee anywhere doesn’t mean you should. Choose your spots wisely, my friend.

8. Keep it private

If you feel the need to stretch, twist, or twiddle it, kindly do so in your own room. We’d all appreciate a little less awkwardness!

9. No need to show off

I’ve seen it all, so no need to show off after your bath or make it dance like you’re Elvis with a hula hoop. This goes for your dad too—pass it on!

I hope this little guide helps you navigate the world of your private parts with a bit more dignity. Trust me, you’ll be thankful later—or at least your future partner will!

And if you’re curious about more topics like this, check out our privacy policy here and get more insights on your journey towards parenthood from this site. For great information on pregnancy, don’t miss out on this resource.

In summary, take care of yourself and your body, and remember that a little respect goes a long way.