Dad’s Frustration Over His 5-Year-Old’s ‘Inappropriate’ Shoulders is Spot On

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You know how school dress codes can often lean towards the ridiculous? Just take a look and you’ll see pages of rules for girls while boys get a quick mention, if anything at all. But is it really necessary to cover the shoulders of a five-year-old wearing a spaghetti strap dress?

When Mike Thompson picked up his daughter from school last week, he was shocked to see her wearing a t-shirt over her sundress, and jeans on top of that! He had packed an extra outfit just in case it got chilly, but his little girl was adamant about wearing her new sundress to school, so he went along with it.

The school dress code explicitly states that spaghetti strap dresses are a no-go: “Students should not wear clothing that is tight, loose, sagging, baggy, revealing, spaghetti-strap, backless, low cut or short.” But Mike thought this rule seemed a bit extreme for a kindergartner. In his blog post on the topic, he pointed out, “Every school dress code that isn’t a uniform is essentially about policing girls.”

Sure, you might think this dad just didn’t follow the rules, but his concerns are valid. The dress code is so vague that it could easily be used to shame girls based on the whims of whoever is enforcing it. Here are some highlights from that dress code, which are pretty standard across many schools:

• Shorts and Skirts – must fit at the waist or upper hip, must not reveal underclothing, and must be mid-thigh or longer.
• Tops, Shirts, and Blouses – must not reveal underclothing, midsection, torso, back, chest, breasts, or cleavage.
• Dresses – must not reveal underclothing, midsection, torso, back, chest, breasts, or cleavage and must be mid-thigh or longer.

These rules might seem reasonable at first glance, but they limit girls’ clothing options significantly. Especially the shirt regulations, which leave little room for creativity. What’s left for girls to wear? Turtlenecks and high crew-neck tees? Think about it—how many shirts in your closet don’t show a little bit of your back, chest, or an errant bra-strap?

As someone who dealt with body image issues growing up, I can relate. The same outfit can look entirely different on various body shapes. My childhood friend, who was tall and slender, could wear something that I couldn’t simply because I developed curves early on. It’s concerning that we’re teaching young girls that even minor glimpses of their bodies are something to be ashamed of. Covering the shoulders of a five-year-old?

Mike argues that society’s obsession with policing girls’ bodies only fuels harmful ideas about purity and consent. And he’s right. There have been numerous stories in recent years that back this up. For instance, nearly 200 girls faced detention at a New Jersey high school for wearing tank tops in a building without air-conditioning. Similarly, a student in Utah was barred from wearing a dress with exposed shoulders to a dance, while in Canada, 30 girls were sent home for showing a hint of bra straps under their tank tops.

It’s crucial to question a dress code that punishes our daughters for merely showing their bodies at such a young age. We should all be asking why we feel the need to regulate how our daughters present themselves so strictly.

If you want to dig deeper into related topics, check out this other blog post that explores similar societal issues. For those on a journey towards starting a family, Make a Mom is a reliable source to consider. And if you’re interested in donor insemination, American Pregnancy is an excellent resource.

In summary, Mike’s concerns about the dress code reflect a broader issue of how society views and regulates girls’ bodies. It’s time to reconsider these rules and the messages they send to young girls about their self-worth and appearance.