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I’m So Done With Pretty Parenting
“Alright, we’ll be the brains, and you can be the beauty.” Those words hit me hard back in high school from a couple of well-meaning guy friends. We teamed up for an English project, and I genuinely thought we were united because we were the smartest in our class. That comment made me rethink everything.
Forget pretty.
I’m not talking about ditching the notion of looking attractive or worrying about how others perceive women. I mean I’m over everything that “pretty” signifies.
This is for my amazing 3-year-old daughter, who loves trains and cars just as much as dolls. She may pick pink cupcakes, but her favorite color is blue. For the past few years, I’ve been grappling with what to say when she asks about the makeup I’m putting on my face.
I could say it’s to look pretty, and while that’s partly true, doesn’t that suggest I believe I’m not good enough without it? What kind of example does that set for you? I want you to know you don’t need makeup to be pretty—you already are. But I worry about saying that because you are so much more than just pretty. You are smart, brave, funny, and a whole lot of other wonderful things.
Forget pretty.
This is for my wonderful 14-year-old stepdaughter, who is beautiful and petite yet hates every photo taken of her and genuinely believes she’s overweight. I long for a time before selfies when the only way to see yourself was in a mirror, not through countless filters and angles on social media. Being a teen was tough enough without all that pressure.
I wish I could convince you that it wouldn’t matter if you were “overweight” (which you’re not), because even if you were, you would still be intelligent, kind, and creative. Pretty isn’t about having a certain look.
Forget pretty.
This is for my amazing 17-year-old niece, who is quickly becoming a face to watch in the Canadian modeling industry. Scouted by a top agency at just 16, she’s diving into a world that revolves around looks. I want to shout how proud I am, but I can’t help feeling anxious.
I worry she might develop an eating disorder to keep up with the competition. I fear she’ll forget that she is so much more than her appearance. She’s smart, witty, and incredibly sweet, not just pretty.
Forget pretty.
After all these years, I still struggle to explain why I sometimes feel the need to wear makeup. I see women who go without and think, “Wow! She looks fantastic!” So why do I assume no one feels the same about me? My partner prefers me without makeup, yet I wouldn’t dream of showing up at a gathering bare-faced. What am I afraid of?
Pretty is a complicated idea. I want to embrace it, yet it frustrates me when it’s the first thing people notice about me. I’m fiercely protective of my youngest daughter’s exposure to the word and everything it implies.
In this Disney-fied culture we’re raising our girls in, I worry that they’re being taught that heroines must always look perfect. That’s not who I want my daughters to aspire to be. Real heroines, like Malala Yousafzai, who fearlessly stood up for education despite facing life-threatening danger, are the true role models. Malala is strong, eloquent, and yes, pretty—because she embodies so much more than just her looks.
Forget pretty.
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In summary, I want to raise my daughters and stepdaughter to understand that they are so much more than just their looks. They should know they are brave, intelligent, and funny—everything beautiful that goes beyond the surface.