Reflecting on My Son’s Homework Habits

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Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my son Jason’s homework habits. He’s your typical 9th grader—smart and capable when he wants to be, but often a bit lackadaisical. His grades are decent, with a few A’s thrown in, but his organizational skills? Let’s just say they could use a lot of improvement, which seems to be a common issue among teens.

This morning, I stumbled upon an article in The Atlantic that suggested parents should be more involved in their teens’ homework routines to instill essential organizational skills. This perspective was particularly interesting, especially since teachers often encourage parents to step back during this time. The article argues that many schools aren’t equipping students with these crucial executive skills, and it’s up to parents to help fill that gap.

I get it. I worry, like many parents do, that Jason and other kids (especially boys) aren’t being taught these skills, even though teachers recognize the disorganized ones in class. One of Jason’s teachers once noted, “He’s incredibly bright but struggles with student skills.” I haven’t followed up with the teacher about how he’s supporting my son, so I’m left wondering.

Finding the Balance

While I agree with the article’s sentiment that many kids lack the necessary skills for success, I’ve realized that I need to step back a bit. Sure, I still ask Jason about his homework and check in occasionally to make sure he isn’t just scrolling through social media. He might call it nagging, but I prefer to think of it as guidance. However, I believe that the most impactful lessons often come from sources outside of the home.

I’m on board with the idea that parents should loosen their grip. I still want to be aware of what’s happening and intervene if grades plunge or if I suspect deeper issues like depression. But generally speaking, I think it’s essential for kids to learn how to manage their homework responsibilities independently. If that means they receive a lower grade, then so be it. It’s better for them to experience the consequences now while the stakes are lower.

High Expectations at Home

For context, we definitely have high expectations in our household regarding education. Jason knows how important grades are, especially with his older sister, Mia, who has been laser-focused on her college plans for years. Her organizational skills are impressive, but I don’t enforce the same strict rules for Jason. I don’t force him to track assignments on a whiteboard or take away privileges if he skips his homework. And honestly, since his grades are decent, I don’t feel the need to constantly check his online grade portal or pester him about missing assignments.

When he asked for a planner to help him keep track of his assignments, I jumped at the chance to get him one. But I haven’t been checking to see if he’s actually using it.

Understanding Adolescent Development

Here’s what I truly believe: We need to ease our worries about average grades that stem from developing executive functions. Brain research indicates that adolescent brains are still maturing well into their late 20s. They’re often a bit scattered, especially boys in 9th grade, just when parents start to panic about grades. Despite their scattered thoughts, we should let kids take on the responsibility of their own homework. If they ask for help, awesome; if not, that’s perfectly fine too.

This approach requires a long-term perspective. I’m not convinced that lackluster grades in high school will have dire long-term consequences as some people claim. Yes, lower grades might limit options for elite colleges, but that’s okay.

Letting Go

Will I stop thinking about whether Jason is completing his homework? Probably not. I might still drop hints about study strategies here and there, but I want him to understand that his homework is his responsibility, not a means to earn privileges like gaming time. I won’t be presenting him with a whiteboard unless he specifically asks.

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Conclusion

To summarize, I’ve realized that stepping back from nagging about homework allows my son to take responsibility for his education. While I still care about his grades, I also recognize the importance of letting him learn from his mistakes in a low-stakes environment.