Can we please talk about this bed situation? You know, the one that rightfully belongs to your dad and me but now has turned into a family nest that includes two parents, two dogs, and three children? We’re lucky enough to have beds for everyone, yet here we are, tangled up and utterly exhausted. It’s time for a change.
I get it; I’m Mom, and my main job is to cater to your every need. But guess what? I have needs too, and one of those is sleep. Remember when you were just a few months old and would sleep through the night? Those were the golden days! I felt like I was dancing through a field of flowers, and let’s be honest, I looked a whole lot better too. Now, nighttime feels more like a never-ending saga of chaos, with you all wide awake and me on the brink of collapse.
So, here’s a rundown of what a typical night looks like in our home. I’m using “you” to refer to all of you, as if you’re a little team working against sleep. Let’s see if this makes you realize how bonkers this is:
- We tuck you in, say goodnight, and shut the door.
- Just 7½ minutes later, you’re down the stairs with something “urgent” to share. I know your sister’s booger incident is important, but really, those are not valid reasons to leave your room. Remember, the only acceptable reasons to come out are if you need to go to the bathroom or if you’re bleeding.
- You go back to your room, and just when I’ve settled down with a glass of wine and my favorite show, you need to poop. Seriously?
- After a while, you’re back again, asking why morning is taking forever to arrive. We’ve even threatened to take away your stuffed animals to keep you in your room.
- Twenty more minutes pass, and here you come again, sad because everyone else has drifted off. You manage to guilt one of us into lying down with you until you finally fall asleep.
- Finally, it’s 11 p.m., and I’m ready to call it a night myself.
- Just when I’m about to enter dreamland, the first child shows up between midnight and 1 a.m., and I’m left trying to find a comfortable position with your little head on my pillow.
- WHACK! What was that? You just kicked me in the face. Why are your feet on my face? This is a bed, not a wrestling ring!
- Then, the second child arrives between 3 and 4 a.m., which means more shuffling and waking up.
- And lastly, just half an hour before my alarm goes off, the third child decides it’s time to join the slumber party. There’s no room left, and suddenly I’m getting head-butted. Ouch!
Can you see how absurd this is? I really hope you do. We can’t keep going on like this. Let’s aim for just one night of peaceful sleep. Please think about it.
Love, Mom
P.S. If you want to know more about home insemination, check out this resource or dive into the details at Make A Mom. For those expecting little ones, the March of Dimes is a fantastic resource.
Summary: In this lighthearted letter, a mom humorously reflects on the chaotic reality of family bedtime, pleading with her children to stay in their own beds. She shares the nightly struggles that come with juggling parenting, sleep deprivation, and the sheer absurdity of bedtime antics, while urging her kids to consider the need for a good night’s sleep.