The 7 Stages of Parenting While Hungover

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Let’s be real: every parent deserves a night out every now and then. But once you have kids, enjoying a few too many drinks can come with some serious repercussions. As your responsibility for another little human grows, your ability to deal with a hangover seems to shrink proportionately. While I’m not saying that a hangover is exactly like grieving, after a recent night out, I found myself cycling through phases that felt oddly familiar. Here are the stages of hungover parenting, as I see it:

1. Denial: You wake up to the bright light of day, your eyes barely open, and you realize with a jolt that it’s Saturday. The kids are already in your bed. You think a couple of pain relievers and a sugary soda will fix everything. It can’t be that bad, right? Then you move too quickly and, well, let’s just say you’re praying for a swift exit from this world.
2. Embarrassment: Just when you think it can’t get worse, your oldest asks why you have a half-eaten taco from last night on your pillow. Avoiding the spotlight at all costs, you desperately change the subject and order them to finish their homework. They remind you it’s the weekend—great, thanks Saturday!
3. Anger: This phase can be tough, so try to escape it quickly. While it’s tempting to fantasize about exacting revenge on the bartender who poured those extra drinks, remember: they’re not the real villain here. That Lego piece did not intentionally leap into your foot, and blaming your kids for your choices won’t help either.
4. Bargaining: Trying to reason with kids when you’re barely coherent is a total lost cause. They can sense your weakness and will definitely test their luck. If they do, just accept that a Snickers bar for breakfast might be your best bet. No long-term damage done, and it gives you a few more minutes on the couch—rocking back and forth, of course.
5. Sighing: This stage is basically just an endless cycle of sighing. Seriously, it’s all about the sighs.
6. Depression: Here’s where self-pity really kicks in. You suddenly realize you’re staring down about 11 more hours of kid chaos. The sadness wraps around you like your old favorite jeans that don’t fit anymore. You might even consider a drive to grab a milkshake, then remember that getting pulled over could lead to a whole new level of trouble, and the tears flow anew.
7. Acceptance: After the tears, the anger, and all the heavy sighs, you come to terms with the fact that today is simply not your day. You know it’s your fault for overindulging, and it’s time to put on your big girl pants (even if they’re pajamas) and parent from the couch. Pizza delivery becomes your best friend for all meals while you count down the minutes until bedtime and vow to swear off alcohol… for now.

If you’re in the thick of parenting and want some practical advice, check out our posts on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those looking into self-insemination, Make A Mom has some great resources.

In summary, the journey of hungover parenting is a wild ride through denial, embarrassment, anger, and eventually acceptance. It’s about navigating those tough moments with humor and a whole lot of pizza.