Your cart is currently empty!
Does a Woman’s ‘Second Prime’ Start at 40?
Growing up in the 1980s in Russia, I often heard my mom and her friends talk about a saying they believed in: “a woman’s second prime begins at forty.” As a teenager, I rolled my eyes at what I considered outdated thinking. How could they possibly have a second prime? They were juggling multiple jobs, coping with the chaos of daily life, and managing a household. I thought that by the time they hit 40, their “second prime” would just mean fewer school meetings and less time spent in long lines for basic necessities—if they even managed to build the society they dreamed of.
Fast forward a few years: the Soviet Union collapsed, and we moved to the U.S. My mom was now in her mid-forties, still serving up her usual chicken dinner, but without waiting in line. To me, the mythical “second prime” was nowhere to be seen. Sure, she had some conveniences now, but laugh lines deepened, and her wardrobe choices started to shift. She didn’t seem particularly radiant.
By the time I hit 40, I’d completely forgotten about the idea of a second prime. My daughter was entering her tween years, and I was knee-deep in schoolwork checks and orthodontic bills. The thought of a second prime felt as distant as those bills were from the realities of middle-class life in America.
However, between the ages of 42 and 43, something started to change. The stressors that used to cause me migraines seemed to fade away. The self-doubt that kept me up at night was replaced with a newfound assurance that, somehow, things would work out. I found myself less invested in heated arguments and more focused on what truly mattered.
It wasn’t that I was becoming apathetic; I simply learned to be selective about what I cared about. I stopped stressing over things I couldn’t control and began to prioritize the aspects of life that brought me joy. My social circle might have shrunk, but the fun I had with my remaining friends skyrocketed.
Sure, my waistline expanded along with the fun, but I didn’t sweat it too much. I finally accepted that my old jeans were not going to fit again and happily donated them to Goodwill. Clinging to unrealistic expectations wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as treating myself to something new.
I embraced the word “no” with gusto, applying it as eagerly as I did my family’s switch to an almost-all organic diet. I let go of the need for everyone’s approval and instead focused on liking myself. I discovered that was the key to my happiness.
Gratitude became my daily ritual. As I added more years to my life, I realized that I needed to appreciate what I had instead of lamenting what I didn’t. Finding silver linings in a sometimes grim reality became part of my evening routine, often accompanied by a glass of good red wine.
A few months into this transformative phase, I realized that maybe my mom’s “second prime” was more than just a myth. Curious to know her perspective, I called her up.
“Mom, remember talking about the second prime when I was younger?”
“What?” she replied, sounding distracted while driving.
“You know, the second prime you and your friends always mentioned?”
“Hold on a sec,” she said, and I could hear her rolling her eyes. “That was your dad. He’s hungry,” she continued, explaining how he hadn’t learned to cook even at 64.
I chuckled; some things never change. Even if my mom didn’t recall our past chats about the second prime, she was certainly living it—just as I was.
In summary, the journey to discovering a “second prime” can be an eye-opening experience, filled with self-acceptance, gratitude, and a newfound clarity. Embracing change and letting go of unrealistic expectations can lead to a more fulfilling and enjoyable life.