This Is It: Embracing Adulthood

home insemination Kit

I turned 37 this past January, and it got me thinking about my mom at that age. I vividly remember a moment when we were strolling down the street—she was pushing my little sister in a stroller while I trailed behind. Curious, I asked her how old she was, and with her hair blowing in the wind, she replied, “Thirty-seven.” Back then, I thought of 37 as the epitome of adulthood. I watched her hurry along, her blue dress and bare legs a blur as she grabbed my arm and guided me across the street.

Life was hectic for her at that time. My parents had separated when my sister was born, leaving her to navigate life with two young girls. I felt the weight of her struggles, but in that moment, I just saw my mother as she was—a beautiful, imperfect, and strong woman, wholly herself beyond being just my mom.

I can’t recall what happened after she turned 37, how she transitioned to dyeing her hair or wearing stockings. But now, here I am. I notice the wrinkles creeping in after a restless night, and when I tie my hair back, the silver strands peek through as if they’ve been waiting for this moment.

What strikes me most about being 37 isn’t just the physical changes, but the realization that this is it. I’m a grown-up living my life. I’ve got two energetic sons, a loving husband, a cozy rented duplex, a 14-year-old Honda, and a fish named Bubbles. So many things that terrified me as a child—marriage, children, and everything in between—are now my reality.

Sure, there are still things I can’t wrap my head around, like my kids becoming teenagers or eventually leaving home. I’ve heard the looming warnings about menopause, and I’m oddly anxious about my first colonoscopy, while mammograms don’t faze me for some reason. The thought of losing my parents is a heavy one that I can’t bear to think about just yet. I hope I have years before that reality hits, especially since I rely on their wisdom as I navigate motherhood.

But ultimately, I know I can’t control life’s timeline. People lose their parents when they least expect it, and no one ever feels prepared for such loss.

So here I am, with my kids and husband, a fish, and my guilty pleasure of chocolate hidden high in the pantry. As spring arrives, I’m dusting off my running shoes, ready to hit the pavement again. I remind myself: “I can do this. I can embrace this life.”

One of the biggest shifts for me in my late thirties has been learning to manage the anxiety I’ve carried since childhood—or at least to tell it to take a hike. My anxiety has fluctuated, sometimes peaking at tough moments. Even when it’s not overwhelming, it often casts a shadow of impermanence over my life. I’ve spent much of my adult life doubting whether I truly deserve the blessings I have—my beautiful family being one of them.

Being a child of divorce has made it tough to trust that my good life won’t just unravel. But I’m finding ways to cope. I meditate, I breathe, and I remind myself that aging and the passage of time can be freeing. They allow me to let go of fear and truly embrace my life as it is.

I often wonder how my kids perceive me at 37. Do they see me from the outside, even if just for a moment? Do they notice how tightly I hold their hands during our walks to school, or how I’m slowly letting them explore the world independently? Do they recognize my flaws, my openness, and how I’m navigating being both whole and broken?

As a kid, I always longed to grow up, and now I understand why. They say you can’t go back once you’re older, and that gives me a sense of peace. I’m ready to move forward, to be myself, and to feel comfortable in my own skin. This life—beautiful, fragile, complicated—is all I have, and I’m grateful for it. I’m ready to embrace it all with the ones I love by my side.

If you’re intrigued by home insemination options, you might want to check out this post. It’s a fantastic resource along with Make a Mom for anyone looking into this journey. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent insights for those considering fertility treatments.

In summary, as I navigate my late thirties, I’m learning to embrace my life, accept the inevitable changes, and appreciate the love and chaos that come with raising a family.