8 Reasons I Can’t Stand the Final Month of Pregnancy

home insemination Kit

Hey there, friends! So, here we are—just a month away from the big day, and honestly, it’s been a bit of a rough ride. If you’ve ever met someone who claims they absolutely love being pregnant, I can’t help but wonder if they’re being honest or if they’re secretly a celebrity like Gwyneth Paltrow. I mean, thank goodness for those memory-erasing hormones, or else we wouldn’t have a chance at continuing the human race!

As I countdown to delivery, it’s getting increasingly challenging to keep my spirits up, especially since I can’t resort to a good glass of wine. So, if you see a Very Impregnated Person (VIP) around, remember these struggles they’re facing—maybe treat them to a donut or two, okay?

1. My Chest Has Made It Crystal Clear

My chest has made it crystal clear that it’s no longer cooperating with my pre-pregnancy body. Did you know the average woman gains about three pounds per breast? Well, one of mine has gone all in, while the other is just… awkward. If you see me walking at a tilt, now you know—gravity is not my friend!

2. The Strep B Test

I’m nearing 36 weeks, and my midwife casually reminded me about the upcoming Strep B test. Let’s get real here—she’s going to stick a Q-tip where the sun doesn’t shine. That’s not exactly a casual procedure!

3. Carrying High

Apparently, everyone thinks I’m carrying high. If that’s the case, then I feel like I’m one sneeze away from meeting my little one. If this is high, I can’t even imagine how low can get, but I’m pretty sure it involves pants sagging around my knees!

4. “You’re Almost Done!”

Strangers keep telling me, “You’re almost done!” with this over-the-top enthusiasm. Thanks for the reminder that I still have four weeks left—28 days, 672 hours, and so on. If you have any sense, you’ll just back away slowly and maybe order me a pizza as a peace offering on your way out.

5. Swollen Feet

The phrase “barefoot and pregnant” makes sense now because my feet are so swollen they could practically float. Even flip-flops are a challenge because my skin swells around the straps. Seriously, if anyone can wear heels at this stage, they’re either a cyborg or Gwyneth Paltrow, and I’m just not buying it.

6. Wedding Rings on Vacation

My wedding rings have taken a vacation on my bedside table because, let’s be honest, I almost had to cut them off. “Freeing your sausage fingers from their white gold prison” could totally make the list of uses for coconut oil!

7. Belly Rubs

Earlier in my pregnancy, a belly rub was fine since it meant I looked pregnant. Now? My skin is so stretched that even a gentle touch around my belly button sends me into a fit. I’m pretty much ready to yell, “STOP TOUCHING ME!” whenever someone gets too close.

8. “You’re Eating for Two”

And if I hear one more person say, “You’re eating for two,” when I grab a cupcake, I might just lose it. Trust me, everything hurts, and that cupcake is my only joy right now. The only time I want to hear “eating for two” is when someone hands me another cupcake with a compliment about how great I look!

At this point, I’m not afraid of labor pains; I just want the simple pleasure of sitting down without fearing for my balance. No amount of feel-good hormones will make me forget that my body has transformed in ways I never imagined—especially my nipples!

If you’re interested in more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on infertility. And hey, for those looking to take matters into their own hands, you can find a great at-home insemination kit here.

Summary

The final month of pregnancy can be overwhelming and uncomfortable, filled with physical changes and societal comments that can be frustrating. It’s a time for understanding and support, especially for those expecting.