5 Simple Guidelines to Strengthen Your Marriage

Let’s be real: marriage can be tough. After a decade in my first—and ideally only—legal partnership, I’m starting to figure it out. Some days it feels like a recipe for disaster, while other times I think I’ve hit the jackpot. It’s truly what they say: it’s hard work, requires trust, and sometimes feels like a marathon and a sprint all at once. My wonderfully patient husband often reminds me, “You know this is optional, right?” (Translation: “Get it together, or I might bolt!”)

Whether you’re blissfully married, newly separated, or contemplating tying the knot, you’ll need reliable advice along the way. I’m not claiming to be a marital guru, but I’d like to share five simple rules my partner and I have cultivated over the years that have helped us through the ups and downs—even those nights on the couch.

1. The IKEA Revelation: Utilize Your Strengths

Before we were married, Jake and I took a memorable trip to IKEA. After an hour of navigating through an endless maze of showrooms, we were both ready to escape. I was struggling to fit a lamp back into its box while Jake stood there, paralyzed by indecision. “Why aren’t you asking for help?” I asked, frustrated. In that moment, we realized our roles: I’m the one who communicates and rallies for assistance, while he’s the hands-on fixer. This revelation allowed us to define our roles more clearly, ultimately making our teamwork smoother.

2. The Toilet Paper Principle: Be Mindful, Not a Scorekeeper

If your spouse seems to think household supplies magically replenish themselves, you might relate to this. Let’s say you’re the one who notices the dwindling supply of essentials. My advice? Don’t keep score. Avoid hiding the last roll of toilet paper just to see how long it takes for them to notice. It’s not worth the drama. Just purchase what’s necessary and focus on the care you’re providing for your family. And if you’re the one who tends to overlook these details, show appreciation and try to be more attentive.

3. Fight with Purpose: Know What Matters

One of the most ridiculous arguments Jake and I ever had was about “Deal or No Deal.” Picture us at 2 a.m., screaming at each other about game theory and throwing around the dreaded “D” word (not donuts—divorce). We were never actually fighting over the game show; it was a larger issue beneath the surface that we were too upset to address. If we had paused to identify the real problem, we could have saved ourselves—and our neighbors—a lot of noise and trouble.

4. The 90/10 Approach: Focus on the Positives

Chances are, your relationship has more positives than negatives. Yet, we often fixate on the small percentage that isn’t perfect. Shifting that focus can change everything. I’m not a math whiz (that’s Jake’s territory), but this simple change in perspective can make a world of difference.

5. The Go to Bed Mad Rule: Embrace Your Anger

Trust me, it’s healthier to go to bed angry than to say things you might regret later. It’s better to toss and turn on the couch than to reach an artificial resolution just for the sake of peace. Anger can be a sign that you care, and it’s essential to understand what you’re really upset about. You won’t discover that if you’re just trying to smooth things over for a good night’s sleep.

So, if you’re contemplating joining your life with someone else, consider these hard-earned insights. In marriage, there’s no absolute right or wrong—just compromise. And if you want more information on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource at the CDC.

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Summary:

Navigating marriage isn’t always easy, but by utilizing strengths, being mindful, fighting with purpose, focusing on the positives, and embracing your feelings, couples can strengthen their bond. These five simple guidelines can help you work through the challenges that come with marriage, leading to a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.