Your Kids Are Likely Not Going to the Ivy League. Does It Really Matter?

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As I scroll through my social media feed, it’s disheartening to see people attributing recent tragedies among teens to mental health issues, overbearing parents, or academic pressures. The truth is, we can’t pinpoint exactly what drives these young individuals to despair. No family has definitively explained the reasons behind these heartbreaking events, but what we do know is that certain pressures are undeniably affecting our children. A local teenager, Sophie Martinez, aptly put it: “Parents, just chill out.”

To all the parents reading this, I urge you to accept right now that your child is probably not going to get into Stanford, Harvard, Yale, or MIT. Seriously, let’s be realistic. Just because someone else’s child made it doesn’t mean yours will. The acceptance rates are ridiculously low. Last year, Stanford’s acceptance rate was below 5%. Do the math.

In the spirit of fostering understanding, I’ve compiled some common questions and answers that I hope resonate with you. These are real inquiries from parents that I’ve encountered in the past year. I didn’t respond to them at the time, but now I’ll share my thoughts based on my admissions experience (though these views shouldn’t be taken as official advice) and my journey as a parent and community leader.

Be warned: my tone may be a bit cheeky because, as Sophie says, we all need to lighten up. I promise there’s a treat at the end: questions that I wish more people would ask.

Common Questions from Parents

Freshman Parent: “My child is in honors math and has three hours of homework each night. If I pull her out, am I ruining her chances for Stanford?”

If your ninth grader has three hours of homework for one subject, that’s a serious issue. This isn’t just about college admissions; it’s about managing time. Your kid has multiple subjects, and there aren’t 18 hours in a night for homework. Speak with the teacher. Don’t let your child be overburdened like that.

Sophomore Parent: “My son has a ‘B’ in English. What can I do to fix this so he can still aim for the Ivies? Should I send him on a fancy summer trip?”

You can’t fix this. Your son’s grades are his responsibility, not yours. If he needs to improve, he must put in the effort. As for sending him to some exotic location to “offset” his grades? That’s not a valid solution.

Junior Parent: “How important are grades? Can a kid with ‘B’s get into the Ivies?”

Yes, grades matter. Kids with ‘B’s do get admitted, but let’s be honest. The statistics are discouraging.

Senior Parent: “My kid is applying to 19 colleges.”

That’s not even a question, but can I just scream for a moment?

Junior Parent: “I had to sign a form to allow my son to take more APs than recommended so he stays competitive.”

That’s an excuse, not a question. You’re competing with other parents, not your child’s capabilities. If you’re boasting about how hard your child is working, you might want to rethink your priorities.

Freshman Parent: “How many APs does my kid need to get into Yale? I hear some kids have 22!”

A good target number is zero because your kid likely isn’t getting into Yale. Seriously, wake up.

Questions I Wish Parents Would Ask

How much sleep does my teen need?

Teens need at least nine hours of sleep each night for good health.

How much homework does that leave time for?

If school ends at 3 p.m. and your child needs to wake up at 7 a.m., they should go to bed by 10 p.m. This only allows for so much time for homework and other activities.

My kid has more homework than that, what should I do?

Be proactive. Contact teachers and advocate for your child. If necessary, prioritize sleep over homework, because resting is essential for their well-being.

If everyone is signing forms for extra APs, what should I do?

Don’t sign it. You’re in charge. Remember, taking on too many APs can backfire.

Where should my kid go to college?

Explore diverse options. Many excellent colleges exist outside the Ivies, so keep an open mind.

How do I motivate my child to excel?

Instead of focusing solely on grades, encourage your child to engage meaningfully with their learning. Support them when they struggle and celebrate their efforts.

My kid’s grades are perfect. Does that guarantee admission?

No, perfection is common in competitive environments. Schools seek more than just high scores.

I went to an Ivy. Does that help my kid get in?

Things have changed since you applied. Admissions are tougher, and legacy status doesn’t guarantee acceptance.

So many schools are hard to get into; how can I help my kid?

Guide your child to work with their school’s college counselors to create a balanced list of schools to apply to, including options they would be happy attending.

How do I relieve pressure on my child?

Don’t have unrealistic expectations about prestigious universities.

What’s the best approach for college admissions?

Encourage your child to enjoy learning and to pursue interests outside of school, all while maintaining a friendly and supportive atmosphere.

In summary, while many parents may have aspirations for their children to attend elite schools, it’s crucial to approach this topic with a balanced perspective. It’s about nurturing their interests and well-being rather than fixating solely on admissions statistics. For more on home insemination and related topics, check out resources like this article or consider fertility supplements to support your journey. Additionally, this site provides excellent information about pregnancy and home insemination.