Hey there, friends. So, let me tell you a little story. It took me a while to feel comfortable enough to share my living situation with my fiancé. When he finally stepped inside, his first reaction wasn’t about the absence of a television, my mountain of books, or my questionable environmental choices. Instead, he exclaimed, “Wow, you have a lot of weapons.”
Turns out, my home is filled with all sorts of items that could be used for defense. Sure, you could make the argument that anything can be a weapon if used the right way. But I prefer to be a bit more straightforward. There’s a baseball bat near the stairs, a Taser tucked in my purse, and even a knife in the shower. I get it—violence isn’t the answer… unless you’re dealing with someone unstable who’s made threats against your life.
It’s been a year since I confronted my abusive ex in court. On August 20, 2013, the judge described him as “calculated and deceptive,” and rightfully granted me protection after he stalked me and shared private photos at work. Exactly one year earlier, another judge had issued me a restraining order. What a strange coincidence, right?
I won’t lie; watching someone face consequences can feel good. But I never wished for his downfall—every step of the way, I tried to give him an out. I broke things off, changed my phone number, moved away, and even begged him to stop. But when someone is determined to inflict harm, changing yourself isn’t always enough. Eventually, you have to stand your ground.
My ex thought he could corner me, but I chose to walk out with my head held high while his life fell apart. His career—gone. His retirement—gone. His relationships—gone. His respect—gone. In the big picture, he’ll just be a fleeting memory for me. But for him, I was the iceberg that sank his Titanic, and there weren’t enough lifeboats.
So here we are, a year or two later, and I still find myself worrying that he might try to hurt me. Sometimes, when I’m washing my face, it feels like I’m in a suspense film, and he’ll be waiting for me in the mirror. Every little sound makes me think he’s trying to break in, and every quiet moment feels like the calm before the storm.
After the breakup, sleep was elusive. I’d wake up in a panic, feeling like my chest was going to explode. My mind was a battlefield, convinced he was lurking around, and I was living my last moments. It took a lot of deep breaths, crouched on the floor by my bed, repeating to myself, “You’re okay, you’re safe, he’s not here, you won.”
It’d be amazing if I could go through life without fear, and maybe one day I will. A piece of paper won’t keep you safe, but taking a stand and getting out of a dangerous situation definitely helps. Being in an abusive relationship leaves its scars, but I wear mine as badges of survival.
I felt pretty terrible after the relationship ended. I blamed myself for everything—for saying yes, for staying, for everything he did to me. But I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to not feel fine immediately after such trauma. You can take a good look at the wreckage and choose to act as if you’re the person you wish you could be. And eventually, you will become that person.
To quote Maya Angelou, “I wouldn’t trade anything for my journey now.” If this experience hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have developed the fierce determination to reclaim my life. I’ve learned that it’s perfectly okay to tell life, “no thanks,” when it throws you curveballs.
Finding humor amidst the chaos has been incredibly empowering. Seriously, what’s not funny about an attorney trying to convince a courtroom that I deserved abuse just because I have red hair and a passport full of stamps? And let’s not forget the moment I made an entire room awkward by mentioning my dad’s interest in gay porn.
One or two years later, I’m still navigating through fear and shame, but I’ve gained some wisdom along the way. We can stumble into the murkiest swamps, make poor choices, and be hurt by others, but that’s not where our story ends. We can change, move forward, and reshape our lives. If you’re not happy with your current plot, throw in a twist!
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Summary
The author shares her journey of overcoming an abusive relationship, highlighting the ongoing fears she experiences while also emphasizing the importance of empowerment, humor, and personal growth. Life can throw unexpected challenges, but it’s possible to reshape your narrative and emerge stronger.