When Lisa Harper first entered motherhood, she sought out every piece of parenting advice she could find. As a maternal advisor for NPR and various parenting platforms, she felt equipped. Yet by the time she welcomed her third child, she realized it was time to take a step back and embrace the wisdom of her own strong mother, who always said, “If you give them everything they want, you’ll lose yourself in the process.”
In her memoir, Mama Knows Best: Lessons from My Mother that Helped Me Grow, Lisa dives into the often uncomfortable but necessary conversation about race and parenting. She doesn’t shy away from the truth, no matter how unfiltered it may come across.
The Unfiltered Truth
Here’s the thing: I’m not about to sugarcoat this. What I’m saying might ruffle some feathers, but it’s important to acknowledge that we all carry some stereotypes—yes, even me. There’s a stereotype I’ve encountered that became painfully clear once I became a mom. It’s something many black folks tend to believe: White parents often seem, well, a bit soft.
Let me explain. In many instances, it appears that white kids feel free to push boundaries with their parents, particularly their moms. You can witness this when a toddler throws a tantrum in public, and two black strangers might share a knowing glance, recognizing the situation. Or when a teenager talks back, the same non-verbal communication flows between onlookers.
But please don’t take offense; I’m sharing this with love. Just as I can watch certain media and get a glimpse into the thoughts some white folks might have about black people, I realize you might not have the same access to our perspective. If you’re curious, take a look at this resource on intracervical insemination—it’s a great way to stay engaged on topics of reproduction and parenting.
Differences in Parenting Expectations
It’s well-documented that black and white families often hold differing expectations for their children. Many black parents prioritize respect and obedience, which explains why you might see stricter discipline in public. In contrast, white parents may value autonomy and confidence more highly. In black households, it’s often viewed that children should temper their self-assuredness. While confidence is encouraged outside, at home, the message is often, “Don’t get too big for your britches.”
You know the classic cartoon dog who warned us to “Take a bite out of crime”? That character focused on potential dangers for white kids, while the realities of black children were often left unaddressed. The underlying message is that white kids are seen as deserving of protection, while black kids face harsher realities.
We love our kids deeply, but historically, we’ve had to face the world with a different mindset. It’s not about viewing them as fragile; rather, it’s about preparing them for a world that isn’t always kind. For many black parents, it’s crucial to teach kids how to navigate authority carefully, as their lives can depend on it.
Mama rarely talked about the heavy past, but when I pushed her for insights, she’d simply respond with a wry smile and say, “You know I’ve never traveled to South Africa.”
Further Resources
If you’re interested in deepening your understanding of home insemination, I highly recommend checking out this detailed resource. And for more on pregnancy and parenting, this blog is an excellent resource.
Conclusion
In summary, while the experiences of black and white mothers may differ significantly due to cultural and societal factors, the love for their children remains a common thread. Each approach reflects deep-rooted values and beliefs shaped by history, which ultimately influence how they raise their kids.