What My Mom Taught Me About Keeping Family Together

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Growing up, my mom had a pretty tough childhood. Her own mother left when she was only nine, leaving my grandfather, whom I fondly called “Gramps,” to raise her and her sister on his own. He was a musician, so money was tight, and there were many days when the house felt more chaotic than cozy—clean laundry was a rare sight, and the rent was often a worry.

Now, most kids in my mom’s shoes might have cut ties with the parent who left, but my mom was different. It wasn’t easy, but she made a point to keep in touch with her mom and her mom’s partner, Tom, who eventually became her husband. Despite the complicated family dynamics, my mom made sure our home was filled with the love of our grandparents, making the red-brick house where she still lives a hub of family gatherings.

Every holiday and birthday was celebrated there, where we shared laughter and created memories. Yes, there were disagreements and heated moments, but there was also a lot of music and joy. Gramps would pound on the piano while Tom sang, and you’d never guess the history behind their relationships; they seemed like old friends instead.

Divorce wasn’t exclusive to my mom’s side of the family; my dad’s parents were also separated. But somehow, they all came together for the sake of us grandkids. My granddad would bring along his latest girlfriend while my Nana would spoil us with affection, tapping her foot to the music. Sure, there were squabbles over who sang off-key or who played too fast, but we all enjoyed those moments, cheering for my sister and me as we danced in the living room.

As life went on, we faced challenges—Gramps passed away, and soon after, my other grandfather began to struggle with severe dementia. My mom would often say, “He didn’t know his head from a hole in the ground,” and honestly, it felt true. Even so, she kept a mug with his name, Paul, highlighting its meaning—“humble”—which he truly embodied. My grandmother, against all odds, is still around, surviving despite her years of smoking and drinking.

Despite the ups and downs, my mom’s relationship with her mother remains intact. She’s still part of our lives, showing up to every significant event. Through surgeries, mental health struggles, and the ups and downs of life, my mom has been the glue holding us all together. Although our gatherings are smaller now and the piano often sits silent, we still come together at that old red-brick house.

We might stumble over each other’s words or get annoyed about trivial things, but I realize that the reason we come together is because of my mom. She didn’t have a roadmap for family life; she had to create it herself. And in doing so, she taught us that family is messy, loud, and filled with joy. It may never be perfect or resemble what you envisioned, but oh boy, it’s worth every bit of chaos.

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In summary, my mom exemplifies what it means to cultivate family ties despite challenges. Her resilience and commitment to keeping everyone connected, regardless of past struggles, is a testament to the power of love and determination in family life.