Being Thin Didn’t Bring Me Joy, But Embracing My Size Does

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Hey there! Let’s chat about something personal for a moment. You see, the girl in the first photo? That’s me from a few years back. It was taken at the lake, just before I turned 35. I had just had three kids and was at my smallest weight since I was a teenager. I remember going into a store to buy some pants, asking for a size 8, and the salesperson insisted I looked more like a size 4. I thought she was sweet, but I insisted on the 8—only to find they barely stayed up. I weighed 123 pounds, the thinnest I’d been since I was 15. Yet, when I looked back at that photo, I thought I looked fat.

Now, let’s fast forward to the present. Here’s a more recent photo of me, taken just a couple of months ago, with my five kids. I’m the one who looks like a real mom. My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years—up, down, and back again. It’s been a bit of a wild ride, with everything from pregnancies and nursing to workouts that I loved and hated.

The body you see in the “after” photo? I achieved that through some pretty extreme measures: counting calories obsessively, running a ton, and sacrificing sleep. I lost my period and denied myself food I actually enjoyed, all in the quest to be thin. But honestly? It didn’t make me happy.

I know that many may look at these photos and have their own opinions. Some might say I looked incredible back then, while others might wonder why I don’t look as good now. It’s true; I’m larger now, but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. In fact, I feel more at peace than ever. I’ve gained weight due to medication changes for my mental health, and while some clothes don’t fit anymore, I’ve found a joy and stillness that’s worth more than the numbers on a scale.

The Big Takeaway

So here’s the big takeaway: being thin doesn’t equate to happiness, and being bigger doesn’t mean I’m sad. It’s a misconception that we need to bust wide open. Happiness doesn’t have a size requirement. We need more voices to push back against the societal norms that tell us we must look a certain way to feel good about ourselves.

If you’re feeling brave, try this: be unapologetically you—embrace your body, wear that bikini, and enjoy those slices of pizza without guilt. The world has built an entire industry on our insecurities, and it’s time to challenge that.

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In summary, I’ve learned that my happiness isn’t tied to my weight. Embracing myself, regardless of size, has brought me a newfound joy, and it’s a journey worth sharing.