Let’s be real: finding a skilled female groomer can be tougher than picking a good gynecologist. I mean, when you think about it, I don’t mind doctors checking out my nether regions because it feels so clinical. Sure, there’s some poking and prodding involved, but at least you’re wrapped in a paper gown. My doctor even puts a little sheet over my legs, creating a curtain of sorts, like he’s the Wizard of Vagina or something. It’s perfect because I don’t have to worry about analyzing his facial expressions. One time, he even asked if he could bring some interns in to observe, and I was like, “Why not? The more, the merrier!”
But then you step into the world of waxing, and everything changes. Suddenly, it’s not so clinical when you’re lying on a table, pants off, waiting for someone in jeans and a t-shirt to start poking around. Even if she’s in scrubs, it doesn’t make it feel any more professional. I could easily get scrubs myself, but that doesn’t mean I should be giving anyone a colonoscopy!
After trying out a few different waxers, I finally found one I loved. The pain was minimal, the conversation flowed seamlessly, and we laughed enough that I forgot about the awkwardness of her grooming my bits. But then, disaster struck: she got a new job—one that didn’t involve looking at my lady parts. She was moving to a new city to become a hairstylist. My downtown was about to suffer, and it felt like I was getting divorced and had to start “dating” again. And every date? It involved exposure of my intimate areas. So basically, I was a newly single woman looking for a fling.
Last week, I tried out my third waxer, and let me tell you, it was a bit of a disaster. This new girl didn’t say a word the entire time. I was lying there, completely exposed, in a silence so thick you could hear a hair drop. I thrive on conversation; I love cracking jokes and even yelling out creative curses when the wax gets too hot (I have a few favorites!). But this girl was not having any of it.
To make matters worse, she had long hair. You know what happens when someone with long hair is waxing your intimate areas? Yep, it gets a little too personal. I started feeling a bit awkward, like maybe I should be having feelings I wasn’t quite ready to explore. So, to distract myself, I tried to envision a guy with long hair down there. But the only guys I could think of were Fabio and Steven Tyler, and let me tell you, that did not help my situation at all.
The silence only made it worse. Missing my old waxer, I longed for our funny conversations and the cheesy ’70s love songs we used to sing together. Then, I noticed a water stain on the ceiling that looked suspiciously like a vagina and couldn’t help but laugh, but my new groomer didn’t even crack a smile. It was just me and the awkwardness.
If you happen to see my old waxer, please tell her I’m on the lookout! I’ll probably be the one resembling a chia pet or maybe even a Bigfoot sighting with all this excess hair. Who knew that my quest for a groomer would lead me to the brink of a reality show?
In summary, finding a good female groomer is a journey filled with awkward moments, strange encounters, and a longing for the comfort of a familiar face. It’s a quest that many of us embark on, and the journey can be just as humorous as it is frustrating. If you’re interested in more tips on home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, or learn more about the Cryobaby home insemination syringe kit as they are an authority on the topic. You can also read about our advertiser disclosure for more insights.