Pumping: A Love-Hate Relationship

Pumping is a real drag, both in the literal sense and the figurative one. Who actually enjoys being tethered to a machine that stretches your breast into an awkward plastic cone, all while the milk drips into tiny bottles? Tina Fey hit the nail on the head when she called breast pumps “Williams-Sonoma Tit Juicers.”

The Time Commitment

Each pumping session took me at least 20 to 30 minutes, and that’s not even counting the cleanup and milk storage afterward. So, we’re talking about a solid 30 to 40 minutes each time I hooked myself up to that contraption. If you’re a mom juggling a million other responsibilities—like caring for your kids or working—this time commitment becomes a whole new challenge.

The Heartbreak of Spilled Milk

And let me tell you, the heartbreak of knocking over a cup of freshly pumped milk is real. I did it more than once in my sleep-deprived haze, and I definitely shed a few tears. It’s nothing compared to my friend who lost months’ worth of milk when her freezer broke down. Talk about a nightmare!

Pumping in Public

Then there’s the ridiculousness of pumping in public. One time, my mother-in-law walked into our house to find me pumping, eating cereal from a bowl balanced on my leg, bouncing my cranky baby with the other, and reading a book to my older child. I even figured out how to rig my nursing bra to hold the pump while I graded papers and had dinner. I once plugged the pump into one outlet in the bathroom while using my blow dryer and curling iron on another. Multitasking on a whole new level!

The Cost of Convenience

Sure, you can invest in fancy pumps that let you move around, but they’ll cost you a fortune—maybe even part of your kid’s college fund! Who wants to cook or clean while feeling like a zombie just trying to keep everything together? And don’t even think about overdoing the caffeine; that’s a one-way ticket to breastfeeding hell.

Pumping Adventures

I’ve pumped in all sorts of places—bars, cars, and yes, even while sitting in a shower! When you decide to breastfeed, privacy is a luxury you won’t always have. For instance, I’ve heard stories of friends pumping while driving in rush-hour traffic. I never did that because I’m pretty sure I’d be lactating all over myself. But I did manage to pump in the car while someone else drove.

Once, on the way to a Girls’ Weekend, I didn’t want to risk my milk going bad, so I ended up tossing it out the window! It stuck to my car, and after sitting in the sun, it baked into a gooey mess that I had to clean off. Classy, right? During the trip, I carried my pump in a backpack and learned to dump milk at rest stops. Talk about quick learning!

The Reward

In the end, I can’t say I enjoyed pumping, but knowing I was providing my girls with my nutritious milk made it all worth it. After all, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard… whatever that means!

Additional Resources

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Conclusion

In summary, while pumping can be a huge hassle, it’s a small sacrifice for the sake of nourishing your little ones.