6 Brutally Honest Realities About Childbirth

Hey there, future parents! You’ve probably seen a ton of articles out there about the not-so-glamorous truths of pregnancy, labor, and motherhood. They’re lifesavers as we navigate through this wild journey, but I noticed a few key points missing from the conversation. So here are six brutally honest truths about childbirth that you might want to brace yourself for.

1. The Baby May Feel Like It’s Trying to Escape from Your Rear End

Okay, so I doubt anyone has actually given birth from their backside, but during labor, you might feel like it’s a real possibility. The pressure in that area can be so intense that it’s hard to tell where all that pain is coming from. I distinctly remember thinking, “Am I about to be the first person ever to deliver a baby from the wrong hole?” Trust me, you don’t want that to be your claim to fame.

2. Post-Birth Vaginal Changes (Part One)

It would have been nice to have a heads-up that your lady bits could swell up to four times their normal size and take on a shade of purple that no one should ever have to see. I’ll never forget the mortifying moment when my mom helped me shower just two days after giving birth. Her reaction was priceless: “Oh my God!” I was like, what? Is it that bad? Turns out, trauma and swelling are pretty standard after childbirth. And if you think a C-section will spare you from this lovely experience, think again.

3. The Tearing Scale

I’ve always been curious (maybe too much for my own good), so I immediately wanted to know how bad my tearing was after giving birth. My baby was over 8 pounds, and it wasn’t pretty. When I asked my doctor, who was stitching me up, she casually said, “It’s a 4.” A 4? Great! But then I got competitive, asking, “Out of 10?” Silence. “Oh wait, is it a 4 out of 5?” Ugh, that’s gonna leave a mark. Spoiler alert: there are only four stages of tearing. You might as well tell yourself you scored a one and move on!

4. Post-Birth Vaginal Changes (Part Two)

If you had a vaginal birth, let me give you a word of advice: skip the handheld mirror. You might be tempted to see what that Level 4 tear looks like, but trust me, it’s not worth it. Picture the most gruesome scene from a war movie. Yeah, just don’t do it.

5. Nipples Are Like Sprinklers

When your milk comes in, it doesn’t just shoot out in one stream. Nope, it’s like a sprinkler system with multiple little holes. I thought I’d be firing off milk bullets! If I’m the only one who thought this, great, but it would be nice to know I’m not alone in my cluelessness.

6. Vaginas Age Too

Just like the rest of our bodies, your vagina may also experience some sagging as you age, especially after having kids. A friend once asked her gynecologist why her vagina looked different from her 12-year-old daughter’s. It took the doctor ten minutes to stop laughing! You know the saying, “Loose lips sink ships?” Well, put a bunch of moms in their 40s together, and we could probably sink the Titanic.

In summary, childbirth is a wild ride filled with surprises, some of which you might not be prepared for. From unexpected sensations to post-birth body changes, knowing these realities can help you navigate this new chapter with a little more humor and a lot less shock. For more insights, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination from the CDC or explore the fantastic guide on your couples fertility journey over at Make a Mom.