My First Face Mask: A Not-So-Certain Love Story

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Hey there! So, I’m almost 32 and have never once graced a spa. No manicures, no pedicures, and don’t even get me started on massages. My eyebrows? Let’s just say they look like two caterpillars having a serious discussion.

Honestly, part of me thinks I don’t need these luxuries, part of me knows I don’t, and a big part is just plain terrified of it all. Will it hurt? What if I end up looking ridiculous? Will the person pampering me judge my “imperfections”? But then I realized that sometimes, it’s less about necessity and more about treating myself. As a mom, I could definitely use a little self-care. Sure, I could indulge in nachos for dinner every night, but my jeans have other ideas about that “treat.”

So, I finally bought a face mask. The moment I saw “anti-stress” on the label, I was sold. Honestly, I didn’t care if it had some wild ingredients; I just wanted to feel a little less stressed and more fabulous.

Here are 55 thoughts that zipped through my mind before, during, and after the face mask experience—because let’s be real, I have to document everything as a mom.

1. How much of this am I supposed to use?
2. Oops, not enough. Time to wash my hands and grab more.
3. Can I put this on my eyebrows?
4. Well, now it’s on my eyebrows.
5. And in my hair.
6. Why do I need to put this on my neck? Is there something wrong with it?
7. Did I miss a spot? Will my pores stay giant if I didn’t leave it on everywhere long enough?
8. Okay, done. Now to wash my hands…
9. I look like a seasick Smurf.
10. Is it working?
11. Wait, is it supposed to feel like this?
12. Just breathe. Relax. You deserve this.
13. How long has it been?
14. Are the kids awake?
15. What if they wake up and I can’t wash this off? Will I be a seasick Smurf forever?
16. Kids are still asleep. Just breathe.
17. I’m bored.
18. Is anything happening yet?
19. Should I be doing something else? Maybe shave my legs?
20. Nope. Just sit here and unwind. Reflect on life.
21. Hmm, time to check my phone.
22. No notifications. How boring!
23. Maybe I should delete these apps and just enjoy the moment.
24. Oh, my skin is tingling. Is that normal?
25. Why does my face feel cold? Did I leave a window open?
26. Either the mask is working or I’m losing it.
27. What’s actually happening? What’s seeping into my pores? What have I done?!
28. The chill feels nice, though.
29. I wonder if my partner would find me attractive like this.
30. Either he was joking or he has a thing for Smurfs. I’m betting on the former.
31. Is it dry yet?
32. La la la…
33. I bought a magazine! Time to flip through that.
34. Who are these people? Why don’t I know them?
35. I’m subscribing to that magazine for my birthday. I should be in the loop!
36. Can I write off that subscription on taxes?
37. Can I write off this mask too?
38. My skin feels tighter. Is it drying?
39. Is this what an eye lift feels like?
40. Yep, definitely tight. I hope there aren’t tiny aliens doing some research on me.
41. If they are, they better pay me.
42. Alright, it’s dry everywhere except my neck. Should I let that dry too?
43. Who cares about my neck? Let’s rinse this off!
44. Why are the white washcloths the only clean ones?
45. If this stains, I’ll just deal with it later.
46. Rinse, rinse, rinse. Did I get it all?
47. Missed a spot!
48. Gently patting my face dry…
49. Hmm, I can’t tell if anything’s different. I didn’t see my pores before, so how would I know?
50. Oh wow, my skin feels super soft. Nice!
51. Stop touching your face. Oils are bad, right?
52. Am I still stressed?
53. No, not really. I did something for myself! Way to go!
54. Wait. Yeah, I’m still stressed, but at least my skin is soft.
55. STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE!

So, there you have it! Face masks can be a delightful experience, even if you feel a bit ridiculous. Just remember, it’s all about taking that moment for yourself. If you’re curious about home insemination and want more info, check out this great resource on intracervical insemination, and if you’re looking for men’s fertility boosters, here’s a helpful guide. For more insights on pregnancy and related topics, this blog is a must-read!

In summary, taking time for yourself—even if it involves a face mask that makes you look like a colorful creature—can be a rewarding experience. It’s about finding little ways to indulge in self-care amidst the chaos of motherhood.