Let’s be real, if you’ve ever shared your feelings of disappointment or sadness about your birthing experience, you’ve probably heard that phrase: “All that matters is a healthy baby.” It’s one of those statements that seems obvious, yet it’s often thrown around in a way that feels dismissive. There’s a lot of pressure on new moms to feel nothing but joy, and it can be incredibly isolating and damaging when that’s not the case. Ladies, it’s okay to feel upset about your birth experience. It doesn’t make you a bad mom or an ungrateful person.
Jenna’s Story
Take my friend Jenna, for instance. Her first birth ended in an emergency c-section that left her shaken. There was panic, rushing doctors, and the fear of losing her baby. Thankfully, her little one was born healthy, but that didn’t erase the trauma of the experience. Jenna’s memories of that day are clouded by the fear she felt, and it took her months to process those emotions. When people kept saying, “Well, the most important thing is that your baby is healthy,” she felt like they were undermining her feelings. She wished she could respond with, “Thanks for the reminder, but I’m still allowed to feel pretty crummy about what just happened.”
The Pressure to Dismiss Feelings
When someone goes through something tough, there’s often a knee-jerk reaction to remind them that it could always be worse. But this only adds guilt to feelings that are completely valid. Women who experience birth trauma or simply didn’t enjoy their birthing process deserve to express those emotions. Bringing a child into the world is a massive life shift and can be incredibly stressful. Why shouldn’t you be allowed to have feelings about how it unfolded?
Telling a woman to push aside her own feelings because she has a healthy baby is not only patronizing; it’s downright cruel. It implies she doesn’t have the right to her emotions because someone else might have it worse. Yes, some women face unimaginable loss during childbirth, and that’s a different kind of tragedy altogether. Comparing those experiences doesn’t comfort anyone; it just adds to the hurt.
How to Support New Moms
If you know someone who has had a tough birthing experience, consider saying something supportive like: “I’m really sorry you went through that,” or “You made it, and I’m here for you.” Remember, a woman who has just given birth is still a person with her own feelings.
For more insights on navigating this journey, check out this blog post on intracervical insemination. And if you’re looking for resources about infertility and pregnancy, Mount Sinai offers some excellent information on the subject. Also, don’t miss out on Make A Mom for their top-notch fertility kits.
In Summary
It’s essential to recognize that all feelings surrounding childbirth are valid. New moms should be allowed to express their experiences without feeling guilty for having emotions. Support from friends and family can make a huge difference in the healing process.