The Night I Gave My Partner a Free Pass

home insemination Kit

Navigating the ups and downs of intimacy can be a real challenge, especially after kids enter the picture. My partner and I found ourselves in a bit of a rut, our libidos simply not aligning anymore. Post-baby, I discovered that I’m not one to force things. If I’m not in the mood, the whole experience can feel like a chore. My partner often says, “I just want to be intimate with my partner. You’re my partner.”

So, one night, I tossed out an idea: “How about a free pass? Go have your fun elsewhere. Just be safe and don’t fall in love.” It had been on my mind for a while, stemming from the guilt I felt after our two kids were born, just 16 months apart. I often thought, “We have a solid marriage, our kids are thriving, and I’m content—why shouldn’t he get what he needs?”

Yet, the thought of a sexless relationship leading to divorce felt incredibly unfair. Why does a lack of intimacy overshadow all the great things we share? It felt like a double standard that I couldn’t shake.

I know the usual advice: “Just do it anyway,” or “Try scheduling intimacy.” I’ve been there—engaging when I wasn’t feeling it, only to find it utterly unappealing. Sure, I’ve put on sexy lingerie and pretended to be in the mood, but deep down, I was just acting to avoid the stigma of a failing marriage.

Let me clarify that my partner is not to blame. When we do connect, it’s fantastic. Still, the emotional toll of feeling distant sexually weighs heavily on both of us. I want to feel the fire again, but after having kids, it just seems extinguished. I even had my hormones checked—normal results didn’t help my case.

Romance isn’t everything in a marriage. I believe we have plenty of love and friendship to sustain us even when passion takes a backseat. I just wanted to shout, “Can we focus on raising our kids without the added pressure of a vibrant sex life?”

Back to that cocktail hour when I suggested the free pass: my partner looked genuinely hurt, thinking it meant I didn’t love him anymore. I quickly reassured him that I offered it out of love, not a lack of it. He pondered the implications of such an arrangement, and I admitted that it felt like the only way to lift the weight of expectation off my shoulders.

I don’t feel pressured to keep up with household chores or work commitments; rather, it’s the expectation to maintain an active sex life that’s overwhelming. The reality is, I’m exhausted from parenting, work, and life in general. I can’t be the passionate partner I once was.

I refuse to follow the typical advice about scheduling sex or going to therapy. Adding those expectations to my already full plate would make me lose my mind. I won’t pretend that my body or my libido will revert to their pre-baby states. I’m forever changed by this journey of motherhood.

My marriage isn’t failing. We’re not on the verge of divorce, and surprisingly, my partner is not taking me up on the free pass. Can’t we just shift our focus to being a family for now? I believe that love will come back in time, even if it takes a year or more.

At the end of the day, I want my partner by my side for all the significant moments in our kids’ lives—soccer games, recitals, graduations. Right now, I may not have the most exciting romantic life, but I know that when the time is right, we’ll rediscover that intimacy together.

For more insights on navigating these experiences, check out our post on intracervicalinsemination.com or learn about the at-home insemination kit for those considering pregnancy. And for a deeper understanding of the process, the Wikipedia page on In Vitro Fertilisation is a great resource.

In summary, navigating intimacy can be complicated, especially after kids. While I offered my partner a free pass out of love, it’s essential to acknowledge that our marriage is more than just our sexual life. We’re transitioning into a new phase, focusing on friendship and partnership as we raise our children together.