21 Ways to Bond with Your Kids That Might Just Mess Them Up

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Hey there! So, I recently had a chat with some friends who pointed out that baking cookies with my kids might not be the healthiest activity. In fact, they went so far as to call it “destructive.” I shared a moment about battling some negative self-talk and how I turned that around by spending quality time with my little ones. I mentioned baking cookies, and apparently, that was a big no-no.

Evidently, I was setting a poor example by indulging in a treat and not focusing solely on “self-love” and “body positivity.” Who knew that a simple cookie could lead my kids down a path of despair? Thanks for the heads-up, right? Clearly, I’ve been parenting all wrong, and it seems I’m not alone in my misguided ways.

If you’re looking to jump on the “not-so-great parenting” bandwagon, here’s a list of 21 activities you might want to consider if you really want to screw things up for your kids:

1. Bake cookies—because who doesn’t want to raise a couch potato?
2. Visit the zoo to teach them that captivity is fun. Why not read them something wild like “Fifty Shades of Grey” at bedtime?
3. Fly kites—what a great way to show them that littering is cool when the kite gets stuck in a tree.
4. Push them on the swings. This might lead to them thinking shoving is fun, and who doesn’t want a little bullying in their repertoire?
5. Let them race their Hot Wheels on a plastic track. You might be bailing them out for reckless driving in the future!
6. Swing by McDonald’s and share a milkshake. What a fun way to normalize drinking and driving!
7. Let them doodle with sidewalk chalk. That’ll surely turn them into graffiti artists.
8. Build a fort—because who doesn’t want to encourage antisocial behavior?
9. Take them to the library to pick out books. They might just end up on a shoplifting spree!
10. Play dress-up. What a lovely foundation for future identity theft!
11. Hang out in a fast-food play area. Because playing with others’ balls in public is just great!
12. Play cards. Get ready for Gamblers Anonymous!
13. Play tag or hide and seek. Just what we need—kids learning how to run from their problems!
14. Start a collection. Hoarders, here we come!
15. Puppet play? Sure, let’s teach them they can speak for others.
16. Exercise together. Who needs healthy habits when we can encourage obsession?
17. Push them in a stroller. Lazy kids, unite!
18. Play Simon Says. Little dictators in the making!
19. Plant a garden. Why not inspire a future weed enthusiast?
20. Go for a bike ride. Motorcycle gang, here we come!
21. Write a snarky article about unsolicited advice—because who doesn’t want to raise free thinkers?

So, there you have it! These activities might just lead your kids down the wrong path, but hey, at least you’ll have fun along the way. If you’re interested in more about the ups and downs of parenting, check out our other blog posts about navigating life and love, including some great tips on pregnancy and home insemination from Healthline and Make a Mom.

In the end, just remember, it’s all about balance (and maybe a few cookies).