As a brand-new mom, I’ve found myself with plenty of time on my hands—not the kind that involves cleaning or laundry, but rather the kind that lets my mind wander as I wait for my coffee to brew. During these moments, I can’t help but mull over the many perplexing aspects of motherhood that leave me scratching my head. Here are some of the questions that have been on my mind:
- What in the world is BPA? Is it similar to asbestos or gluten? All I know is I should steer clear of it, but the details are fuzzy.
- Why doesn’t anyone want to hear my riveting birth story? It’s a wild ride! I get it; the term “episiotomy” can make people squirm, but come on—no one is curious about my journey through intense pain or the color of my amniotic fluid?
- Do all moms think their newborns are adorable? Because sometimes they resemble a squishy version of Gollum. Still cute? Just checking!
- Why are baby clothes so intricate? I need to change my little one constantly, and yet there are so many snaps that by the time I get her dressed, she’s already soiled herself again. Can’t we get some tear-away Velcro outfits?
- How is it that I have at least 20 different pacifiers, and my baby only wants one? Of course, it’s the one that’s just been discontinued!
- Does it count as “sleeping through the night” if my baby goes to sleep at 1 a.m. and wakes up at 4 a.m.?
- Why is it that the moment I finally get my kid to sleep, I suddenly become a clumsy detective, stumbling around her room and bumping into everything noisy or bright?
- Who creates the tunes for baby toys? It irks me when they don’t even attempt to rhyme or keep a rhythm. My kid’s toys often have silly giggles interrupting their verses. Plus, wouldn’t they sell better if voiced by someone charming, like British kids or Morgan Freeman?
- Will I ever be able to say “nipple” in casual conversation without turning beet-red? The new vocabulary I’ve adopted—like “nipple confusion” and “breast pump”—makes me feel less like a mom and more like a production assistant for a questionable film.
- How many calories are in a placenta? When people eat it, do they cook it up first, or do they just down it raw like some extreme fitness enthusiast?
- Is there a way to keep my nursing cover from turning into a sauna? Because it’s getting steamy in there!
- How crucial is it to know my baby’s growth stats? I have no clue what percentile she’s in, so I’ve just been making it up: 85th percentile for “chunky legs,” 98th for “lung power,” and 5th for “sleeping through the night.”
- Why do even the simplest toys come unassembled? Seriously, do toy makers not see the irony in needing a toolset to assemble a toy toolset?
- What’s with the name “Baby Bullet”? Those two words should never be paired, like “organic junk food” or “interrupted naps.”
- It gets easier, right? I’ve heard that toddlers and teens are a breeze compared to newborns. For now, I’m holding onto that belief.
In summary, being a new mom comes with a whirlwind of questions and baffling experiences. But it’s all part of the journey, and we’re in this together. For those curious about the world of pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource, and dive into your own fertility journey with insights from Make a Mom. And for a deeper understanding of privacy and safety in your journey, you can read more in our privacy policy.