9 Jobs Every Parent of a Tween Can Relate To

1. Health Educator
   Ah, puberty—the awkward phase filled with hormones, body changes, and yes, new scents. I try to be mature about it, but honestly, my tween’s shifting body can be a bit intimidating. It feels like just yesterday we were picking out her adorable Strawberry Shortcake undergarments. Now she’s locking the bathroom door and won’t let me in until she’s fully dressed, securing herself in her sports bra. After all, jogging without one at this age can be quite the ordeal.
2. Mood Interpreter
   Understanding my tween’s emotions feels like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube with one hand tied behind my back—while riding a motorcycle at top speed. Most parents have perfected the art of nodding along and sighing in sympathy during a dramatic episode, all while avoiding direct eye contact. For instance, just yesterday, my daughter burst into tears over a broken pencil lead.
3. Fashion Consultant
   The middle school years are a wild ride. My tween has gone from snatching her brother’s grimy hockey jersey and pairing it with last year’s sweatpants to suddenly caring deeply about her appearance. I try to keep my judgments in check. Just the other morning, she emerged from my bathroom claiming she hadn’t borrowed any makeup, and I let her head to school with an eye look that resembled a battle with a tarantula. It’s amazing how easily they get distracted when they’re not telling the whole truth.
4. Drama Queen
   Now, I know this isn’t a typical career choice, but if looks could kill, my tween and I would be toast. To avoid a meltdown, if she acts ungrateful (which seems to happen every few minutes), I start to sob dramatically and tell her the doctor says I only have days to live. Between sobs, I might mention that she should probably catch a ride with a neighbor to the doctor just in case my “condition” isn’t contagious. When she gasps, “Are you serious?” I quickly stop crying, pour myself a drink, and say, “Nope! But you feel pretty guilty now, don’t you?”
5. Tech Sleuth
   With kids glued to their screens, parents have turned into online detectives, checking texts and social media accounts like pros. When my tween wanted her own Instagram, we agreed I would follow her, thinking I had it covered. But then I found out about private messaging, which she has been doing without my knowledge. Guess I can’t pat myself on the back just yet.
6. Empathic Mind Reader
   I wish I could say I’ve got this skill down, but honestly, I often feel lost trying to figure out what triggered my tween’s latest mood swing. It’s like playing a game of hot or cold, where I have to figure out if I embarrassed her in front of her friends or maybe accidentally included a mushroom in her spaghetti—who knows?
7. Personal Chauffeur
   Suddenly, my life revolves around driving my tween to various activities. Gone are the days of a busy social life for me; now I’m just a taxi driver, carting her around to sports practices, school dances, and sleepovers. I spend more time in my car than I ever imagined possible.
8. Legal Advocate
   These days, almost every sentence from my tween ends with “I know, Mom.” It’s remarkable how worldly she seems at this age. She must have been busy earning her degree while I was juggling my own responsibilities. Oh wait, that was me. Her knowledge likely comes from hours spent on video games instead.
9. Wine Expert
   Let’s be real—after navigating all this, a glass of wine is an essential part of my new role.

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In summary, parenting a tween can feel like juggling multiple jobs at once, from health educator to personal chauffeur. Each day brings new challenges, but with a little humor and patience, we can navigate this rollercoaster together.