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Dressing My Tomboy Teen
My daughter decided dresses weren’t her thing the moment she turned three. I had this adorable Hawaiian dress with purple and white hibiscus flowers all ready for her birthday bash, but when I showed it to her, she stomped her feet, crossed her arms, and firmly declared, “I am not a doll!” Since then, she hasn’t worn a dress—not for her first communion, a family wedding, or even my uncle’s funeral. For her communion, she opted for white pants and a green jacket instead. She even managed to dodge wearing a skort for lacrosse by playing goalie and sidestepped a long black skirt for band by choosing percussion instead.
This year, however, things got tricky as she and her friends turned 13 and started attending bar and bat mitzvahs. When it was time for her friend’s bat mitzvah, she wanted to wear khakis and a long-sleeve T-shirt—a small upgrade from her usual cargo pants and hoodie, but definitely not fancy enough. We compromised on her black band uniform pants and a plain blue button-down shirt. Still, that didn’t cut it for the occasion.
So, off we went to the mall, a place I usually avoid like the plague. I much prefer shopping at Ann Taylor or Loft or browsing online at Garnet Hill. To ease into our shopping adventure, we stopped at a café for a snack and outlined the color palette—anything but pink and purple, and flowers were a definite no. Luckily, that left us with plenty of options.
I warned her about the juniors’ department being a bit overwhelming with loud music and frilly dresses, but I urged her to keep an open mind. We strolled around, joking about the over-the-top strapless dresses with flouncy skirts and sequins. We also checked out the children’s section just in case, but it was obvious she had outgrown that as well. We took the escalator to the adult section, hoping for something less revealing, but no luck there either.
At this point, my daughter was ready to give in and just wear her khakis, but I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. I backtracked to the juniors’ department and asked a salesperson for help. This was Nordstrom, after all!
The salesperson guided us to a selection featuring various black and white tops, silky black pants, and chic cardigan sweaters. My daughter reluctantly picked out a top with a geometric design and a black cardigan, insisting she’d stick with her black band pants. But we convinced her to try on the silky black pants too, just to see how it all came together.
Surprisingly, she really liked the pants—they were loose-fitting harem style, as comfy as her cargo pants! And the shoes? Fancy black high-top sneakers that you slip on by unzipping the back instead of fumbling with laces.
While the outfit might not meet the traditional standards for a bar mitzvah, for my daughter, it was definitely a step up. Most importantly, it reflected her style. She felt like a better version of herself rather than someone else’s idea of who she should be.
After paying for her new clothes, I asked her to rate her comfort level in her new outfit on a scale from one to ten, with ten being her beloved cargo pants and hoodies and one being a dress. Without hesitation, she said, “7.” The saleswoman and I exchanged smiles; any time you can achieve a comfort level of 7 for a dressy outfit, you know you’ve done something right.
If you’re interested in more stories about parenting and home insemination, check out some of our other posts, like this one on infertility resources at Mount Sinai. For those looking into home insemination, sites like Make A Mom offer great kits to get started.
In summary, navigating my daughter’s tomboy style while trying to find suitable outfits for formal occasions has its challenges. But with some patience and creativity, we managed to find an outfit that suits her unique personality and keeps her feeling comfortable.