13 Signs You’ve Joined the Costco Cult

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I still remember that fateful day. The new Costco finally opened in our town! The lines that morning seemed endless, nearly stretching to the nearby hardware store. Excited shoppers clutched their wallets, practically buzzing with anticipation. It felt like a celebrity was inside, ready to greet us all.

That was me in line, with four kids at home and the rumor that milk was going for under $2.00. You bet I was there, practically dancing with excitement.

The doors swung open, and I was swept away in the rush. Truth be told, I can’t recall what I bought that day but one thing is certain: everything changed for me. After almost a decade as a Costco member, it’s become a reliable companion through thick and thin. Sure, there were a few times I let my membership lapse, but whenever life turned around, I was right back with my renewal form ready to pay $55 for the privilege of snagging avocados for under a buck.

I’ve officially joined the Costco cult, and if you relate to any of these signs, you might be right there with me:

1. When a Sam’s Club flyer lands in your mailbox, you toss it aside without a second thought, wondering how they got your address. Seriously, cheat on Costco? Not a chance.
2. You’ve bought underwear at Costco. It starts innocently with a pack of comfy camisoles, and before you know it, you’re eyeing body-shaping panties, thinking about how your current underwear looks like it’s been through a war.
3. You’ve returned food items to Costco. Pre-Costco, I would’ve just accepted rotten raspberries as fate. Now? Costco encourages returns, and I once nervously admitted to a cashier that my fish had worms. He chuckled and reassured me that was a sign of freshness.
4. You get a Costco cake for every occasion, regardless of guest count. Who can resist a half sheet of cake for such a low price? Spoiler: You might find yourself finishing off leftovers the next day, feeling a mix of joy and shame.
5. Weekend trips to Costco for non-essentials? Guilty. It’s one thing to restock supplies; it’s another to go just to browse. Even Satan avoids Costco on weekends!
6. You’ve served your family meals made entirely from Costco impulse buys—like a brunch of mini-quiches that claim to be made from fresh eggs.
7. You know which cashier to seek out to keep your kids entertained during checkout. If Jimmy Fallon worked at Costco, he’d be the guy cracking jokes and making your kids giggle.
8. Somewhere in your pantry, there’s a gigantic jar of coconut oil you’re trying to use up before the internet declares it the next dietary villain.
9. You’re fiercely loyal to Costco, but you draw the line at their version of Dove soap, which you learned the hard way is a little too harsh for your skin.
10. Your kids have been begging for a Disneyland trip, but you’re thinking, “Have they even tried Kirkland products?”
11. You’ve nearly been trampled by a woman in yoga pants too busy chatting about smoothies to notice you.
12. You’ve momentarily lost a child in Costco, only to find them munching on a churro with a calm family, singing show tunes.
13. And the grand finale, the ultimate sign that you’ve embraced the Costco lifestyle? You’ve witnessed strangers shoving handfuls of spanakopita into their mouths, while you try to maneuver your cart through the throng of sample enthusiasts. If you’re really unlucky, that’s when you experience what we call a “spanakopita shower.” Trust me, some things are unforgettable.

Welcome to the Costco cult! Just remember, they close at 6:00 PM on Saturdays.

If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this other blog post for tips and tricks.

In summary, if you find these signs relatable, it might be time to embrace your inner Costco member. Whether it’s the thrill of a great deal or the joy of finding unique items, the Costco experience is truly one of a kind.