The 7 Toddler Commandments: Your Guide to Total Chaos

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Welcome to the wild and wonderful world of toddlerhood! If you’re bracing yourself for the next year, get ready for some unforgettable moments: late bedtimes, sneaky cookie raids, and maybe even your parents contemplating their life choices in a dark corner. Instead of listing all the things you should try, let’s focus on the things you absolutely shouldn’t do. Buckle up for this adventure!

1. Ignoring Instructions: If you haven’t made your parents question their hearing ability by the time you’re two, you’re not doing it right. Just pretend you can’t hear them. If they think calling your name will get you to come, they’re in for a surprise. You’ve got better things to do than listen.
2. Mess Making: Your mom has made a grave mistake by letting you near crayons. She dared to take a phone call during spaghetti night? Perfect! Now’s your chance to unleash chaos. Grab that mascara and make your mark on every surface within reach. Fear not, the cleanup crew will be no match for your artistic flair.
3. Noise Pollution: Look around; the world is your stage! Bang on pots and pans, crank up the volume on the TV remote, and don’t forget to make use of those impressive vocal cords. Don’t worry if you can’t form full sentences yet; a good ol’ scream works for every occasion.
4. Defying Logic: If anyone tries to explain why you should wear a coat in the freezing cold, let them feel the consequences of their poor life choices. Just because it’s freezing outside doesn’t mean you have to wear that coat! Opt for just a diaper and snow boots instead. Lesson learned, right?
5. Dinner Time Drama: Your mom spent hours preparing dinner for you? Nah. If you specifically ask for something and then refuse it, that’s bonus points! Show your displeasure in proportion to the effort she put into making that meal. Leftover pizza? Slide it across the table. Grilled cheese? Feed it to the dog and then cry about it. Gourmet meatballs? Stuff them in her shoes, light them up, and enjoy the chaos!
6. Claiming What’s Yours: That toy car? Yours. That cookie? Yours. Dad’s phone? Definitely yours. Everything in your domain is up for grabs. The laws of “Mine” are in full effect, so let everyone around you know that sharing is for the weak.
7. Resisting Authority: You’re a toddler, and your mission is to exist, grow, and create mayhem. If someone puts you in timeout, make sure they regret ever crossing you. Scream, kick, throw things—never back down. You have all the time in the world to prove your point, so go ahead and show them that messing with you comes with consequences!

If you’re interested in exploring more about the joys of parenting and home insemination, check out this great resource for pregnancy and family planning. And for those looking to take the next step in their journey, this site has some excellent tools for at-home insemination. Plus, don’t miss our other blog post for more tips and tricks!

In conclusion, toddlerhood is all about embracing chaos and pushing boundaries. As parents, just remember that you’re not alone in this wild ride!