My Mom Taught Me to Embrace Quitting

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Even by the relaxed standards of parenting in the 1970s, my childhood was pretty laid-back. My mom had a more easy-going approach to raising kids, favoring a hands-off style over hovering over us like a helicopter parent.

There were no strict bedtimes—whenever we felt tired, we simply drifted off to sleep. Each of us had TVs in our rooms, which is probably why I learned about French kissing from The Love Boat way before I should have. And when it came to quitting things? There were no pep talks. My older brother wasn’t a fan of camp, so he happily spent his summers immersed in Dungeons & Dragons and Space Invaders. If I ever found myself uninterested in an after-school activity, my mom’s advice was always, “If it doesn’t bring you joy, just quit.” So, I did.

I quit gymnastics, pottery, and musical theater. I walked away from Hebrew school, ice skating lessons, and even my high school track team. I was still figuring out what I liked, but I certainly discovered what I didn’t. I followed my mom’s quitting philosophy into adulthood, leaving behind 12 jobs that didn’t suit me until I finally found the right fit.

Recently, when my 8-year-old daughter, Lily, announced that she wanted to quit ballet after five years, I found myself saying, “You’re not a quitter.” That wasn’t something I picked up from my mom.

“Why can’t I quit?” she asked. I paused, realizing my discomfort stemmed from the time and money we had invested, but maybe my desire for her to excel was more about my expectations than hers. Modern parenting seems to push the idea that our kids must be winners, but do they really need to be?

Vince Lombardi, a legendary NFL coach known for the phrase “Winners never quit and quitters never win,” also had a reputation for being tough on his family. Is there a connection there? Possibly. My kids may not always be the best at everything, but they will grow up with their self-esteem intact. A good friend of mine recently pointed out, “Why do we put so much pressure on our children? Look at where we ended up.” She’s right; I’m a decent parent, but not a Nobel Prize winner or an Olympian.

Sure, we can point to figures like Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Michael Phelps, who didn’t give up. But Phelps’ mom enrolled him in swimming classes at 7 to manage his boundless energy. Imagine if she had pushed him into art or music instead; he likely would have quit that too.

I started to realize that if Lily didn’t quit ballet now, she might waste even more time on something that didn’t light her up. Maybe my mom had a point after all: do what makes you happy. And perhaps the best advice she ever gave me was simply, “If you don’t love it, quit.”

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