The Gift of Time Away: Allowing Kids Their Independence

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Hey there! Before diving in, take a quick second to think back to your favorite childhood memory. What stands out? What were you doing? Who were you with? If you’re anything like me, those moments likely involve friends rather than family.

In fact, according to Dr. Nathaniel Brooks, who wrote a great book on childhood development, when he runs this memory exercise with parents, only about 20% recall special family times, like vacations or holidays. The rest—80%—think of times spent with friends, exploring, having fun, and being independent of their parents.

I’ve been mulling over Brooks’ insights lately because my 9-year-old daughter, Lily, is gearing up for her first sleepaway camp experience. I went to camp after fourth grade too, and it was a blast! The inside jokes, the fun counselors, those adorable camp crushes, canoeing, s’mores, and all the craft-making! I’m super excited for her, but I can’t help but feel a bit anxious. What if she despises it? What if she absolutely loves it?

My mom once explained that my camp summer was her first inkling that parenting wasn’t all about that constant need for attention. I didn’t understand her then, but I get it now. Lily has grown from a tiny baby needing constant care to a kid who can handle being away for two weeks—under adult supervision, of course. She’s the one who wanted to go to camp this year, probably because I’ve shared my own camp tales, emphasizing how crucial they were to my childhood.

Isn’t that what we want for our kids? For them to become independent and take those first steps toward navigating life on their own? Brooks makes a compelling case that stepping away from school and family helps children tap into their inner strengths and gain valuable life skills. Most importantly, he argues that giving our kids the freedom to explore away from our watchful eyes is a precious gift. He says, “We can’t keep our children perfectly safe, but we can drive them crazy trying.”

Yikes!

What if Lily arrives at camp and is so homesick that she begs to come home after a couple of tear-soaked days? I’m bracing myself for that possibility. But I also have to prepare for the chance that she’ll fall in love with camp and be disappointed when it’s time to leave.

While I’ll be a bundle of nerves, worrying about her each time my phone buzzes during those two weeks, she might not think about me at all. And you know what? That’s totally fine. I hope those days are filled with excitement and freedom for her, even if I’m feeling a bit nostalgic and bittersweet.

For more insights about parenting and independence, check out this intracervical insemination post. It’s all about empowering parents in their journey. If you’re looking for authoritative resources on at-home options for insemination, Make a Mom is a great place to start. And don’t miss out on the CDC’s insights about pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, as difficult as it can be to let our kids spread their wings, it’s essential for their growth and independence. We may feel nervous, but those experiences can be transformative for them.