How to Navigate Target on a Shoestring Budget (A Light-Hearted Guide)

home insemination Kit

So, you want to hit up Target but your wallet is looking a bit bare? No worries, I’ve got a not-so-foolproof plan to help you shop without breaking the bank!

1. Talk Yourself Down: Before you even step foot in the store, remind yourself that you’re only there for a single item: coffee. Just coffee. Nothing more.
2. Bring a Little One: A 12-year-old boy forced away from his video games could work, but a toddler is your best bet—especially a feisty one in the midst of potty training. Don’t have a toddler? Ask a tired mom if you can borrow hers; she’ll be eternally grateful.
3. Step Inside Target: Feel that warm, fuzzy sensation? Congratulations, you’re experiencing what I like to call the “Target High.” Thank your lucky stars you’ve got a toddler to help keep you grounded. (Target High: that euphoric feeling that makes you want to buy everything in sight. Symptoms include dizziness, breathlessness, giddiness, and an urge to swipe your credit card.)
4. Secure the Toddler: Strap your little one into the shopping cart. She’ll start whining in about five seconds, but you can buy yourself a few moments of peace with a cereal bar.
5. Take the Long Way: As you head towards the coffee aisle, avoid the home decor section. Spoiler alert: this plan will backfire. You’ll find yourself eyeing cute purses before you know it. No! Stay focused!
6. Beware of Shoes: You’ll slow down as you pass the shoe department. Clearance boots? Just a quick peek won’t hurt, right? (Check on the toddler. She has half of a cereal bar left.)
7. Sigh Over Shoes: Leave the shoe section empty-handed but not without a wistful thought about those beaded sandals—next paycheck, for sure.
8. Keep Moving: With a surge of determination, you’ll spot a sale sign in the juniors’ section.
9. Sudden Time Warp: Five minutes later, you find yourself in the family dressing room, with your cart overflowing with 36 junior items, and the toddler still happily munching her snack.
10. Reality Check: After trying on a few items (for the next payday), exit the fitting area feeling like a bloated cow and hand back most of your haul. No need to dwell on the cashier’s look of disapproval.
11. Wipe the Toddler’s Face: As you steer past the workout gear, you think buying cute exercise clothes might inspire you to actually work out.
12. Potty Emergency: The toddler’s alarm goes off, announcing her pressing need to use the restroom.
13. Bathroom Sprint: Arrive breathless only to find it’s too late. As you change her, you realize she could really use another pair of pants. Well, since you’re here…
14. Just a Quick Peek: Head to the baby and toddler section, promising yourself it’s just a stroll—unless you spot a sale.
15. Overwhelmed by Cuteness: Gasp! Adorable tutus and floral raincoats galore! You’re overwhelmed by the cuteness.
16. Distraction Tactics: The toddler spots something from Frozen and you hand her a stuffed Olaf to keep her entertained. She’ll scream if you don’t buy it, but right now, those raincoats are calling your name.
17. Cart Overload: In mere seconds, you’ve tossed 18 outfits into your cart. Just decide at checkout, right?
18. Detour to Organization: On your way to checkout, you spot chevron-striped bins that would be perfect for organizing all those cords at home. Toss a few in the cart. You’re definitely feeling that Target High!
19. Last-Minute Finds: What’s this? Mismatched bowls that look like they belong in Anthropologie? Grab a set of eight because you definitely need them.
20. Panic Mode: The toddler suddenly gags. You hastily retrieve half of Olaf’s nose from her mouth, but the meltdown begins. Time to bolt!
21. Checkout Dash: Scooping up the tantrum-throwing toddler, you push your cart towards checkout, only to realize it’s overflowing. Where did all this stuff come from?
22. Reality Check: Digging through your purse, you find a lollipop that brings temporary peace.
23. Bank Account Reality: You pull out your phone and check your balance. Panic sets in as you realize you can’t afford all this.
24. Decision Time: With payday just days away, you mentally calculate what you can keep. Maybe just the raincoat, two bowls, and Olaf.
25. Final Call: As you approach the cashier, you mumble, “Um, let’s just take the raincoat, the bowls, and Olaf.”
26. Exit Strategy: Finally outside, you strap the toddler into her car seat, only to remember—the coffee!

In the end, shopping at Target on a tight budget might not be as easy as it seems, but hey, you made it through with some cute finds and a toddler in tow! Don’t forget, for more tips on home insemination, check out this excellent resource.